Red Headed Wonder

Eeeek - there's red meat in my house!

2010-08-16T21:28:00.002-04:00

Well, ok. I'm not actually freaking out, though it is a little bit gross. We now have frozen beef burgers in our freezer and my frying pans have been violated by their juices.

TWN just can't hack the vegetarian, semi-vegetarian or non-red meaty diet apparently. For the second time, he's anemic and under doctor's orders to increase his iron intake (i.e. eat some meat!). I think he was fine for a while because he ate out for lunch quite a bit. TWN ate meat then, as opposed to at home where we have fish sometimes and a little chicken maybe, but are otherwise vegetarian. However, he's been trying to take lunches more; lunches that are almost always vegetarian, which may be why his levels of iron have dropped.

So, my mom has been quizzed on how to cook meat (I haven't cooked red meat since I was a teen and even then maybe only a couple of times) and has loaned me her beat up old school cookbook with advice on cooking things like organ meats too. Eeeeeeeeee.

The things I do for love.

...

Ok , the things I *consider* doing for love - I've yet to actually purchase the dreaded liver...

Still Alive

2010-05-27T18:10:00.002-04:00

Aside from being the title of a song my husband sings incessantly (if you haven't played Portal yet, I shake my head at you), this is my status.

I dropped out of sight of the interwebs for quite a bit for a few reasons. It was becoming WAY too much of a time sink for both myself and TWN. So we backed off, reduced our time, canceled our Warcraft accounts (with fewer withdrawal symptoms than expected actually) and started spending more time doing other things.

It helped me get more into doing other things with the Geekling and we now have some friends and playdate buddies that we might not have connected with otherwise. Evenings without Warcraft allowed more time for cooking, cleaning and couple time (which was largely spent catching up on Doctor Who - this Matt Smith Doctor hasn't won me over just yet BTW).

This is not to say that I'm not online. I am, rather constantly. Only it's more of a utilitarian thing. More now actually, as I tend to browse while nursing.

Yep - Geekling is a Big Sister. We now have a Mark II Geekling (also female). TWN is thoroughly outnumbered. BWA HA Ha ha haaa...

*cough*

Right. So... here I am with a moment of free time when I *should* be sweeping or getting my wilting seedlings planted or updating our public blog, as I am constantly harassed to do. However, my 10 week old is sleeping soundly and the ever exuberant Geekling is working off some energy outside with her daddy... and I just had to run and prevent a set-off-the-smoke-alarm incident.

A quick update is all this is - and there goes the phone and a crying baby...

TTFN

Clap your hands if you believe in geek girls

2009-07-06T08:00:00.002-04:00

The Princess Issues and Preferred Princesses posts made me think more and more about what I read or played with as a child. I think the closest thing to a princess that I had was a She-Ra doll and castle. I did have My Little Ponies, Strawberry Shortcake dolls, Charmkins, Cabbage Patch Kids and a couple Jem dolls. When playing make believe outside with friends who were boys, I was always Leia. I played a lot with my brother's transformers (and hated Arcee) and still clearly remember Scarlett and Lady Jaye on G.I. Joe. Scarlett and Daphne (from Scooby Doo) always stuck in my mind as they were the two red headed girls I saw on tv like me. Daphne was always a disappointment as she never did anything and usually needed to be rescued.

Mostly I spent my time reading - I particularly remember the Ramona books, Beverly Cleary and Judy Bloom novels, Sweet Valley Twins, Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden mysteries. We hit the comic book and collectibles stores on an almost weekly basis - my mother driving us back and forth across the city. I branched out to classics, sci-fi and fantasy in high school, though I was watching Star Trek and reading comics long before then.

I find that I'm particularly aware of gender issues though, perhaps in no small part to my geeky loves. As a geek myself, I was always watching for the female characters. I wanted to see more Leia's, but often got token girls like Arcee. There were girl oriented shows, but they weren't much better really and didn't show the sorts of things I was really interested in. You may have noticed that the geek realm is even now, though improved, very male oriented.

Pop quiz - Tell me the name of a female:

Jedi
Starfleet Engineer or Admiral
Muppet who isn't Miss Piggy
Heroine in a Disney animated film, or any animated film, who doesn't look like she's wearing a corset
Core lead on a SciFi show (i.e. the show is from their perspective/focus)
On a scifi tv show that was not a sex symbol or married to/mother of a lead male character
Main character in a geeky movie that isn't primarily dressed in tight clothing
Character on a geeky show/movie with less than a C cup
Character of significance on a geeky show/movie who is full figured
Character of significance on a geeky show/movie who is obviously over 40 years old and not someone's mother
Lead for an ongoing comic book series (2+ years) who is not primarily a femme fatale/sex kitten or T&A drawn character
Main character in a fantasy storyline that is *not* a beautiful princess (or a beautiful girl who becomes a princess)

*no naming the same character twice and bonus points if you can get these without referring to shows/movies made in the past year (especially BSG)

They are out there, but they're less common than I'd like. The idea that women in central roles won't pull in audience members is clearly wrong - evidence the Alien franchise. Television series like Buffy:TVS or Xena:WP were spectacularly popular as well.

I'll concede to there being a lot more examples in written fiction, but there's a lot more fiction published in general. Good female characters, particularly in hard sci-fi, are scarce. Some of it can be attributed to the time in which some films or shows were made. There have been a couple shows in recent years that have written some excellent female characters in and that's been really thrilling and enjoyable for me. I know they took a lot of flak for casting the new Starbuck as woman, but BSG has been particularly awesome with it's female characters.

Many of these issues crop up in hollywood/tvland in general, I know. I feel that Science Fiction, despite often being driven at the 12-24 male demographic, should be better though. So much of it is set in the future, or alternate realms in the case of fantasy, given our modern culture is it really so hard to see more women featured prominently in story lines? I'd like to share all things geektastic with my Geekling and I want her to have characters that she can connect with - female characters in SF works that show our gender as being involved, valued and are fun to watch.

Thoughts?

SciFi Movie Round Up

2009-07-03T13:00:00.002-04:00

Yeah, so, I'm trying to write more, but lately, the writing has been not so forthcoming...

I love science fiction. I am also a fan of many many geekesque genres. With regards to SF though, I tend to prefer softer social type science fiction (ala Star Trek or 1984) and adore Cyberpunk (is they could only film Gibson's works properly!). Hard SF can be good too.

Definition: Science Fiction: fiction dealing principally with the impact of actual or imagined science on society or individuals or having a scientific factor as an essential orienting component.

Here are some science fiction films I have enjoyed and recommend to those so inclined. This isn't an exhaustive list. These are based only on the movies I've seen and are subject to my own biases, of course. I'm also seriously limiting myself here, otherwise it could be looooooong.

The Classics (pre-1980)
While they are the product of their time, and thus technical effects are lacking, they are all still good viewing. It is especially interesting to see how relevant the messages of these films remain.

The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951)
Klaatu Barada Nikto! I haven't seen the remake and have no desire to see it either. The original doesn't need glitzing up IMNSHO. The movie promotes the idea of peace and questions the nature of humanity; it's aggression and propensity to war. Having recently entered the atomic age, this film reflects the concerns about these potentially catastrophic scientific advances. While the main conflicts of the day focused on communism and the red scare, the fear evoked here is not so different than today's looming threat of fanatical terrorism.

Planet of the Apes (1968)
Another great original film where you need not bother with the remake, the old school Charlton Heston version is where it's at. Just watch it... and try not to let the laughable ape costuming throw you off the story.

Soylent Green (1973)
Of all, this one is probably most known for it's shocking conclusion. I'm not going to mention it here, just in case you don't know and want to see the film with fresh eyes. Of all the classic movies I've listed, I think this one is especially relevant to our current lifestyle and future (for us Western 1st world types anyway). It brings up the potentially devastating effects of climate change and population growth; food scarcity is central here. The film itself is an SF detective story and well worth viewing, even if you already know the ending.

Honorable mentions:
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Logan's Run (1976)

More Recent Films (1980-1999)

Bladerunner (1982)
A cyberpunk classic. Based on Phillip K. Dick's short story Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep? Go rent this now if you consider yourself any kind of geek or SF lover - this is mandatory viewing! Don't make me enlist the fanboy hordes here, ok? While the movie will seem a bit dated now, it was the first mainstream work in the cyberpunk SF genre. I you don't know what cyberpunk is, try reading William Gibson's Neuromancer for a start.

Gattaca (1997)
A not-so-distant future where eugenics has subtly been embraced by those who can access the technology and genetic discrimination is rampant, though technically not permitted. This is a real possibility for our future, if law and society don't work to balance things out for everyone when this technology becomes more accessible and potentially desired. It takes an interesting view, showing that "perfect" genes might not be able to provide the qualities needed for success (like drive, spirit, perseverance); whereas imperfect genes don't necessarily preclude a person from triumphing, if they aren't starved of opportunity.

Contact (1997)
Great, though still not as good as the book, but that's always the case with book based films really. Carl Sagan wrote the book and the film has his sense of hope and wonder at the universe. The story is about the search for extraterrestrial life and what happens, particularly to the main character Ellie, when a message is received. With science and a fair bit of realism thrown into the SF possibilities, and some good science-and-religion-friends-or-foes moments, this was a very different and enjoyable film.

Honorable mentions:
RoboCop (1987)
Twelve Monkeys (1995)

Recent Films (1999-, basically the last 10 years)
In 1999, The Matrix was released and SF seemed to be in full upswing at the cinema. Lots of great films have been made in the past decade, so I'm selecting a few from a wide range. I decided not to include borderline SF films like Donnie Darko and Being John Malkovich - though I did include one Kaufman written (co-written really) film.

Minority Report (2002)
Tom Cruise aside, this is an enthralling depiction of the future and an interesting take on temporal workings, though no time travel occurs. It is based on a Phillip K Dick short story by the same name (are you sensing a theme?). The movie is a thriller/detective/SF film that looks at how people with predictive abilities could be treated, whether we are subject to these futures or have free will, and how the potential futures they predict might be rightly or wrongly relied upon.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
I just really liked this movie. While it's mainly about people and relationships. The SF bit is that, in this setting, people can have specific memories removed via technology. The common use here is that you can remove all your memories of a particular person and relationship. The effect this has on people is fascinating. There's also a subtle examination of whether we should be using the tech this way - i.e. is we remove the memories, how can we learn from our mistakes?

Primer (2004)
This is the best Time Travel movie I have ever seen. It's brilliant and after you watch it you immediately want to watch the whole thing again, and again, and again, and then you go online and look at the charts and analysis and watch it *again*. It's a wonderfully thought out, performed and challenging movie.

Sunshine (2007)
Realistic space travel! While this movie gets a bit weird in the end, I enjoyed it's drama. The plot revolves around a group of scientists/astronauts on a long term voyage to the sun. The sun is dying and their mission is to fix it. While there is a lot of science, though not all completely accurate, the movie is a psychological drama too. I really liked that the characters all seemed like real people and made sense on the ship (i.e. not all pretty young Hollywood types).

Honorable mentions:
A.I. (2001)
Children of Men (2006)

Franchises
I'm keeping these in a separate category. They're mostly soft SF films. There are quite a few movies encapsulated in the series listed below, not to mention all the spin off books, comics, games and so on.

Back to the Future
Starting in 1985, the adventures of Marty McFly and Doc Brown are not to be missed. The films are time travel based and, though very light and comedic, actually do bring up some temporal issues: paradoxes, time travel ethics and what have you. There's no need for a dissection here - if you have a rainy Sunday to burn, grab this trilogy and relax with a big bowl of popcorn.

Alien
While these movies are excellent (yay Ripley!), the SF elements are mixed with large doses of other genres. The first, Alien, is primarily a suspense thriller set in space with a monster, the alien, stalking them (though there is the android). In the second film of the franchise, Aliens, we get a more typical action blockbuster, with some additional SF. The nature and origin of the aliens is discussed, the potential for turning them into weapons is there (and the ethical considerations of doing so), Bishop, as a synthetic being, is portrayed very humanlike and there's a bit more about what this future society is like. These threads continue a little through Aliens 3, but Alien Resurrection has more SF depth as synthetic personhood/rights in particular are an important plot piece, as are cloning and species hybridization.

Terminator
SF to the core, this series begins with a terrifyingly possible future crisis. In The Terminator, we have an unlikely heroine being helped to survive, as she's being hunted to prevent something she has no inkling of doing yet - her future son will be important in the resistance against intelligent machines (who also haven't been created yet). It has a great SF ending and the second excellent movie, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, continues in this vein. The third film is less than memorable for me. I have yet to see the fourth film in the franchise, Terminator Salvation. Sadly, it's Rotten Tomatoes ranking is not doing so well. I also haven't watched the Sarah Connor Chronicles yet - a tv series that takes place just after T2.

Star Wars
See this post for some of my thoughts on Star Wars as SF. In general, these movies, especially IV, V and VI, are highly entertaining. If you haven't seen any of them, you must be a horribly deprived luddite - I bet your mom didn't let you eat cookies when you were a kid either, did she? Oh - and you Star Wars fanboys Star Wars: The Old Republic MMORPG is in the works - this is your heroin.

Star Trek
Much like Star Wars, the Star Trek movies are SF in their setting and hit and miss with the big SF themes. The television shows had a lot more to offer SF wise. However, the general rule of thumb for good Trek films is that the even numbered ones are best. II is Wrath of Khan, which springs from the truly excellent episode Space Seed in the original Star Trek series. IV is the funny time travel one with whales. VI is a blend of action/adventure, mystery and high drama. VIII is the Star Trek: The Next Generation film First Contact, which is actually one of the more SF movies as far as Trek goes (Resistance is futile). After that things get a bit hazy with X which is ST:TNG again in Nemesis. I haven't seen the new prequel Star Trek film yet *sob*, but it has good reviews. I suppose it could be XI, though it seems more like it should be numbered differently as it isn't in chronological order like the rest.

Firefly/Serenity
Serenity is the continuation and/or wrap up of the show Firefly, which was cancelled quite early in it's run. It's good, but watch the 13 episodes of the television show first, else the movie loses some of it's impact and the characters aren't quite so embedded in your heart. Firefly is a lot more Western than SF adventure, but Serenity has quite a dose of SF. The story unfolds wonderfully and I highly recommend the Firefly/Serenity package.

...

and that's it. There are lots of other good SF stories out there. These are just my whittled down selections. I could be writing this post for, well, far longer than I have (and I'd like to see my daughter grow up).

So - go watch some movies!

Memories of the Eighties

2009-06-26T12:23:00.003-04:00

While the web is a flutter with news about Michael Jackson, I'm going to write about my mom as I listen to our local station which is playing a ton of his music today and through the weekend (including the full Thriller album on Sunday afternoon).

Annie are you okay? Annie are you okay? Are you okay, Annie?

Mom has/had her issues, but as a kid, in the eighties, she was pretty cool. She was very into the music and trends. On my ninth birthday I got a pair of glittery socks and black leather pants. I loved them, but there was more. Tucked into one of the front pockets were tickets to the Jackson's Victory Tour show in Toronto. We were big fans of Michael Jackson and his music. I remember the few records and tapes we had were Michael Jackson, Wham, Michael Jackson, Corey Hart and Mini Pops (covering Michael Jackson, among others). We would rent the same video from the store over and over - The Making of Thriller. Every couple of weekends we'd stop at the rental store and dash to the same spot, hoping the tag would be there and the video available. My brother and I watched this so many times it was committed to memory. I knew who Vincent Price was long before I had heard of horror movies. We really should have just bought a copy of the tape, but this was long before Amazon and we had no idea where to find one.

That's the first image of him that always pops up in my head. Michael Jackson in that black and red leather Thriller jacket. My brother had a jacket when he was older that was his "Michael Jackson" jacket due to the copious number of zippers it sported.

Let's dance. Let's shout. Shake your body down to the ground...

When Mom and I went to see the Victory Tour, our seats were in the centre back, in the stadium seating just where it curves upwards. She later told me she picked that over floor seating as she wasn't sure a nine year old would see much otherwise. There were big panels showing close ups and large balloon balls that the crowd passed around. It was a long night, and I don't remember it all, but I do remember how big a deal it was to me and how much I appreciated it - especially since it was just us without my brother. I used to have a program; where it is now I haven't a clue. I wore those leather pants with another present of glittery socks for as long as I could.

Last night, it was my mom who called me over dinner to tell me that Michael Jackson had died. My first thought was "Is this really a big deal? To call me to tell me?". After thinking about it for a bit, it *is* kinda a big deal for us. For all the problems in our relationship, the little things we did bond over were all in the eighties - Michael Jackson was the core of that.

But if you're thinkin' about my baby, it don't matter of you're black or white...

He was a sad figure towards the end though. Despite his weirdness (and potential deviance with children), which is all some younger people will really remember about him, he was an amazing performer and had a big impact on my childhood.

No doubt there will be a box set to end all box sets put out soon to make money for his financially struggling estate. I look forward to it with sadness and a bit of pity (for Michael) and some dread for what might happen to his children in the media spotlight and with the family which may have caused many of MJ's personal problems. I wonder if all the comparisons I've been hearing to Elvis' death make sense or not. Having died the year, I was born I only know him for his music and pop culture status - will MJ be remembered the same way?

Teacher's gonna show you, how to get an A... A. B. C. It's simple as 1. 2. 3...

Fish She Is Very Small

2009-06-16T08:00:00.001-04:00

I have recently been rediscovering my love of sardines.

When I was little, I would eat sardines with my dad. He often took them in his lunch. It was a Big Deal to eat sardines, as there was a decontamination procedure to be followed afterwards. It's one of the few good memories, even if it's a foggy one, that I have of my dad. My parents divorced when I was 9 and his visits were sporadic thereafter. Mom didn't eat, and thus no longer bought, sardines.

Food is something I've become very aware of over the years. I've read some great books on the subject. Sustainability, environmental impact and such, are issues I have in mind when I shop. I'm a sort of vegetarian and have been for years. Then I started into healthier foods, organic food, local food and so on. There are many problems with modern food production and it's such a complex situation. Should you eat organic if the food is produced half the world away by workers with few rights? Is buying local always reasonable when you live in a climate with a harsh winter?

In any case, my most recent explorations have had to do with seafood, which I do eat.
I can honestly say, nothing has ever put me off a food more, than finding out how foreign farmed seafood is managed. I used to eat a lot of shrimp - now it's a rarity. Tuna is right out as well (it's too hard to differentiate between the ok to eat and really bad choices). Our fish stocks are facing a big crisis in future and coastal fish farming is extremely problematic depending on how and where it's done. Environmental impact is a problem too - my hackles are raised whenever I see some fish on sale - like Monkfish or Orange Roughy (the method for fishing them is analogous to clear cutting the ocean floor). Arctic Char and Rainbow Trout are regular visitors to our plates now. I was thrilled this past week to see that my local supermarket has started labeling all the fresh fish with origin, whether it was farmed, and so on.

Where was I? Oh yeah...

Getting back to sardines. Sardines turn out to be one of the most underutilized and more sustainable fish. They way they are fished has a smaller impact (usually purse-seine) and the stocks are fairly strong. So I started trying them again. Now I eat sardine melts, as opposed to tuna melts, on a fairly regular basis. Sadly, Geekling still has no taste for them.

I'm considering canned Salmon - usually wild pacific, which is better. Alaskan Salmon is apparently really well managed, but farmed Atlantic Salmon is a no-no (and our B.C. relatives will give us an earful about it when we mention it). The reason for canned is to learn to make salmon patties. Geekling has had and loved these in the past and I've found a few tasty sounding recipes. Sardine patties don't seem quite right.

In any case, I don't think I'll stop eating fish anytime soon, but I am definitely picky about it. It's interesting that my fishy education and tastes have brought me full circle back to the first fish I remember eating. I'll have to ask my dad if he still takes them to work next time I see him.

Wanna learn about fish?

Bottomfeeder: by Taras Grescoe

Seachoice.org: Look up your favourite fish!

Marine Stewardship Council: They have a certification program you may see on some frozen seafood packages. I've recently started seeing it on frozen fish in our markets which is great.

The New York Times takes a look too in The Seafood Eater's Latest Conundrum

Other great food resources:
The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan
In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan
100 Mile Diet by Smith & MacKinnon
Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser

I need a latte!

2009-06-14T12:39:00.002-04:00

This phrase has been a frequent one in our house as of late (tall, no foam, Tazo chai latte if you're buying), though clearly I'm not living up to it's origins as I haven't been blogging anywhere and my blog reading/commenting is at an all time low.

I did do some catching up today and the Sunday Sweets at Cake Wrecks are awesome - if you are a Star Wars fan take a look.

Plans to finally see Star Trek are in the works with friends and my mom and stepdad are coming down soon. Since my mom is really coming to see Geekling, TWN and I can sneak out for dinner and a movie ourselves. Yay!

It's hard to be clever when you're sick...

2009-06-06T12:40:00.003-04:00

So I'm not even going to try. Instead, here are a few mildly interesting things from online this week that I actually skimmed...

Neil Gaiman in the Toronto Star

Gaiman has won awards in almost every field. His Sandman comic series is considered a masterwork of the genre and he's also written bestselling novels including American Gods, Anansi Boys and Stardust, while his children's work includes Coraline, which was adapted for the big screen by Henry Selick. Two more titles, Crazy Hair and Blueberry Girl, are hitting shelves soon. Forbes has called him "the best author you've never heard off."

Bad Mommies in the Toronto Star

What's offputting about this hip-ironic persona, though, is that judging from material, these "bad parents" aren't bad at all... The truth is, the truly bad parents are not the ones out there writing about it and self-flagellating about their transgressions. In that sense, the pose may be simply a cover-up for parents to carry on being just as overwrought as their predecessors, while pretending to do otherwise. In other words, a case of people who protest too much.

I love love LOVE XKCD

I experienced a range of emotions over the recent case of measles and warnings in our community that more were likely to come. The child was not vaccinated, but there was apparently no medical reason why she wasn't. Worry, rage, sadness, frustration.

Oprah in Newsweek - this is exactly the stuff that ticks me off

Cake Wrecks always makes me smile

I will now go back to reading, drinking tea and trying not to whine too much - Geekling has that bit covered (and she's usually barnacled to me too).

My Genetic Legacy

2009-06-01T08:14:00.004-04:00

So I haven't gotten to finish my SF film post because of a few things going on. Mainly, it's been stuff for Geekling (which it is usually is).

Geekling is a red head like me. I was hoping she would be when she was born. Unfortunately, my genetic legacy provides traits that aren't always the nicest to have. Red hair in particular is usually accompanied by a genetic weakness that gives one fair skin. The kind of skin that's fine in the cloudy British Isles, but not so great elsewhere. I have three settings: superwhite, freckled, and sunburnt. Geekling hasn't shown any freckles yet, though it's probably only a matter of time. She's got superwhite and sunburnt down already.

This week another of my genetic quirks appears to have passed on. Allergies. I never had any life threatening allergies. Just the annoying kind. I had environmental allergies to things that included cats and dust (extensions of which were pollen, feathers, flannel, an anything that held dust). Many of my allergies have lessened over the years. When I was a child though, I was often miserable, had an inhaler one year, and when I was old enough popped a lot of over the counter allergy meds.

Lately, Geekling has had an ongoing cough. It seemed to happen mostly in the late evening, during the night, and morning hours. So I took her into the doctor, mostly at TWN's request. The doctor's assessment was that she likely had allergies. Just the same kind I had (dust). We don't have any pets yet to evaluate as possible contributors. The doctor also said to watch for any wheezing as a potential sign of asthma and see if we can associate anything else with increased coughing and such. She said she was reluctant to do anything yet, but if it continued and was problematic, Geekling would get an inhaler of sorts. We have a follow up appt in a month.

So this weekend we cleaned as we had never cleaned before. Oh such cleaning there was! All the layers of dust that had built up over our years of laziness were routed. Cobwebs were decimated, drapery assaulted, carpets drowned and cleaned, and so on. TWN suggests we develop a way to stop shedding skin cells, but this would require moving up the schedule on the mad scientist lair under the house. We will probably choose to rip out the carpet and replace it with hardwood first.

It was tiring work. I remember my mother doing the same thing after I went through a lot of allergy testing. We definitely stirred up some dust though as Geekling's cough worsened and she was sneezing too. I don't know if she'll have to get allergy testing. I had it done when I was in elementary school and it wasn't any fun. I did get finger puppets for each time I went though, which was cooler than stickers.

TWN thought that he heard her wheezing a few times. I'm hoping asthma does not rear it's head. I had a friend when I was growing up that had to wear a mask/inhaler every night before bed due to asthma. Geekling has never shown any extra coughing or wheezing when vigorously exercising. Asthma would definitely put a cramp in her superhero career. She may have to be an evil mastermind after all. I had to confess, there's a certain attraction to being the mother of an evil overlord - think of the perks! Maybe I won't have to learn how to sew with spandex after all...

Jump, Daddy, Jump!

2009-05-26T08:19:00.003-04:00

Heh he heee...

I am rather pleased that last night, during dinner, in order to please the Geekling, we got TWN to spontaneously perform "Head & Shoulders" - complete with soapy hands from his interrupted dish washing (our dishwasher is on the fritz, and no service appt for a week!).

Geekling was mighty amused and clapped her hands. Then she grabbed my hands and clapped them too. Daddy apparently has star quality.

In other news, she's finally figured out that if she waves at someone they will wave back. She'll do this often, get a response and then grin like crazy or clasp her hands and giggle.

Is Star Wars Science Fiction?

2009-05-25T07:38:00.010-04:00

In my not so humble opinion, Star Wars isn't *real* SF. However many argue it is, and if so, I believe it's only nominally SF. A Space Opera. They may be a great films (some more so than others), highly enjoyable, and culturally potent for us geeks, I don't believe it's good SF - so while it may rate on a list of good films, it certainly wouldn't near the top of a list of good *SF* films for me. There are far too many better SF films that have more to offer than the Star Wars franchise does.

Note: Before you chime in, I'm talking specifically about the movies here, *not* the books or other works that may or may not flesh out the SF world of SW. Oh - and trekkie biases aside, the Star Trek movies wouldn't be ranking on my top SF list either.

Now you may be asking, why does she blaspheme against The Force so? Why does she not worship at the altar Lucas?

Well, I'll tell you...

Science Fiction: fiction dealing principally with the impact of actual or imagined science on society or individuals or having a scientific factor as an essential orienting component.

In the Star Wars franchise, the science is largely part of the background. It isn't particularly meaningful. There's no discussion of the impact of science and/or technology in Star Wars. No science is truly essential to the story or overarching meaning of the films. It could easily be reset, much like Shakespeare, in another time or place and still be pretty much the same movie.

What are the themes and essential elements of Star Wars?

good vs. evil
man vs himself: battling one's own darker impulses
the power of force of will, mind over matter
the importance of family and friendship
loyalty
following one's destiny
there is more to the world and one's self than is seen on the surface
most SF element - the natural is better than the artificial

None of these things require the SF setting or technology to be realized in the films. They are easily achieved in other ways. I think you could remount Star Wars in an epic sense, in a middle earth type setting, and still have the same films (though without the "cool" space stuff and a serious lack of imitable light saber noises). There are many easy parallels with other genres.

Light sabers = swords
Fighters = horses
Jedi = warrior monks or paladins
Deathstar = any advanced technology for a time period or powerful magical device
Palpatine = the evil emperor, king, dark lord
Anakin = the lost, tragic prince/hero, redeemed at the end via sacrifice
Princesses are common in such storylines, as is the absence of mother figures
Cyborgs = monsters or those altered visibly in other ways
Droids = slave class or race, talking animals, etc
Clones = same as Droids really, like the Uruk-Hai in LotR

The Force, as described in the films, is fairly mystical in nature. Anakin and Luke take what are primarily spiritual journeys and transformations of self. They are similar to heroes in epic legends, learning their own failings and mastering their desires, and this journey takes place in many stories in many cultures with varied settings. There's a lot of eastern mysticism here: the balance seeking of Taoism and the karmic balancing enlightenment seeking of Buddhism (particularly the way the Jedi treat emotions and desires). Contrast this with Neo's journey in the Matrix. He also goes through a transformation of self, but his realizations need to happen in the SF setting so that the final questions can be asked: are human beings any less programmed than machines, are we also not slaves to our nature, do we really have free will? Interesting, there are also many shades of Buddhism here as well.

Other great SF questions Star Wars could ask or bring up but doesn't (not in the movies anyway - the books are another matter):

Droids
Are droids sentient (there's some insinuations that at least R2-D2 is)? Do they have rights? It appears that they don't, but they clearly display some human emotion and mannerisms. Do they have feelings or are these merely programmed reactions? How do they feel about their status?

Clones
How does cloning work? Are there ethical issues with cloning? Do clones have rights or personalities? Are they lesser beings and how? Again, it appears that they are like droids, regarded as lesser being and slaves. How does Palpatine ensure their loyalty? I think a lot of this is addressed through books and such which is interesting.

Cyborgs
What is the extent of cyborg technology (full integration, not artificial limbs)? It seems under used, so it is expensive or controlled? Are beings that become cyborgs controlled by programming? Can this technology be used to secretly affect beings (i.e. inserting a tracker or camera or controlling chip into a prisoner and then letting them escape)? In the movies it's used mainly for those characters who could not have survived without it - Vader and Grievous (though Grievous gained definite advantage from the alterations). As a plot device, it serves to make those characters more intimidating.

Planet Destroying Technology
The planet destroying Deathstar technology is out of the bag now, much like nuclear tech here. What issues will this present for the future?

Alien Interaction
How did all they alien races come to co-exist or end up in such close proximity? How do they view each other? Are some races native? Are there problems with colonization, disease, differences in technology and therefore power? They do touch on this a bit on Naboo in SW I.

The Force
What is The Force? How does it work? Why can some people wield it and others not, is there something essentially different about Jedi? How can this be when Jedi seem to come from so many different origins? The films imply that using The Force is a mystical spiritual thing, beyond science or logic. There is a view in the movies that unnatural things are less worthy - droids, clones, cyborgs, etc.

The Jedi
How are these super powered beings viewed? Can anyone police them? Do all cultures/races accept them? Can someone be purposefully engineered to be a Jedi? I personally think SW III would have been much better had Lucas gone with the original reasonings for of Anakin's conversion and included a belief that the Jedi were actually bad for the galaxy.

To me, the lack of exploration of these sorts of issues, and the primary focus of the films on the journeys of it's heroes, diminishes them as SF films. That's not to say that they aren't good films, but the SF aspects that could have made them about something more, more than individual characters and the battle between good and evil, were largely ignored.

There are other series, usually tv series, that are similar to Star Wars in this SF light Space Opera attitude. However, as tv series they have greater opportunity to explore SF issues on an episodic basis. Examples include Star Trek (various series), Babylon 5 and Battlestar Galactica. These series, while on the light side, do often touch on common SF themes. They delve into the issues of what life is, whether synthetic beings are truly alive or sentient. They address interspecies issues and the impacts of technology on beings and space/ecology. Time travel pros and cons are demonstrated. They use their SF settings to make statements or examine issues that are relevant to the here and now. The Star Wars movies lack this. I think, though I do not know as I haven't gotten really into them, that the continuing novels set in the Star Wars universe do tackle more of the SF side of things.

Well, there are my thoughts laid out. I like Star Wars, but would have preferred it greatly (especially I, II, and III) if they'd tried a bit harder with the SF stuff.

I'll post a list of my favourite SF movies soon so as to show what I do think is better SF storytelling/movie making.

Day Askew

2009-05-20T22:08:00.004-04:00

Ok - so I haven't been posting a lot. There was Victoria Day (hey - who says the monarchy is useless?) and there was a frost warning that nearly did in my poor early planted seedlings. The basil shriveled up and died in protest of late Canadian cold snaps. I really hope the neighbours weren't shocked by our weird old bedsheets tucked over my box garden...

Anywho, today everything was off. We didn't get off to our usual start, I spilled my precious coffee, Geekling wouldn't take her nap on time and had to be lulled down by a hot car, she pooped no less than three times in throughout the day, we went to play at our neighbours and Geekling was afraid of their parrot (she usually loves animals), the cute bubble maker I picked up for her ended up terrifying her too, I spilled a glass of water at a said neighbours and, after being out in the sun too long as it was, TWN and I managed to lock us all out of the house for a couple hours.

Sigh.

I had locked up the house while we were out playing and at the house a few doors down the street. I felt for the fellow stay at home mom who was being run ragged by her three kids, 6 and under, today.

When TWN got home, he took my keys to get into the house. Afterwards he was puttering about outside doing yard work. The kids were demanding, to the point of going and getting, the bubble machine I had purchased that day. The machine had frightened Geekling and so we wanted it out of the way. I took it into the garage, making a show of it to the kids, and closed the garage door - hopping over the sensor as the automated door closed. Can you see where this is going? A few minutes later TWN popped his head around the front of the house and seemed surprised by the closed door.

As it turned out, he had only opened the house door *inside* the garage and not the actual front door. All the doors and windows were locked and TWN had left my keys in the house when he came back out. Our friends and neighbours across the street have a key to our house, but they had left only 15 minutes earlier (and in such a way as to indicate that they'd be out for the evening). With no phone, no money, no food or diapers for Geekling... it was looking like a painful wait.

We were lucky that Geekling was so thrilled to be outside that she didn't complain much about being hungry. TWN used a neighbours phone to send a text to our friend in the hopes that they would be home sooner, rather than later. I was so glad that I'd slathered sunscreen on my protesting babe, though I hadn't been so thorough with myself. Guess we'll see how much my fair genetically challenged skin held up shortly.

In any case, we had no way of telling the time, but it seemed to move very slowly. Our friends cut short their shopping, much to the delight of the husband, to answer our texted plea. When they got home, Geekling played a bit with their kids and we chatted. By then it was half an hour before her usual bedtime. She wolfed down a jar of oatmeal apple/peach, some peanut buttered crackers, a little cheese and a bit of the pizza I ordered almost right after coming in the door. Bath was super quick and she practically demanded to be put to bed.

And now I sit catching up on online stuffs while watching the animated Batman: Gotham Knight DVD. It's pretty good and I'm really enjoying Kevin Conroy's Bat voicing.

Rules - good and bad

2009-05-15T08:00:00.001-04:00

Ok - so I commented over at Daddy Geek Boy's about rules and have been thinking about it ever since. My internal metaphor generator is failing me, which is sad because I could really use a good metaphor, but anyway...

I am not against rules per se. Rules are really just tools. Using them, as most parents do, doesn't make one a good or bad parent. Having few or many rules (which usually results in the labels strict or permissive) isn't necessarily good or bad either, though any extreme seems unhealthy.

No, I think it's more about how a parent uses rules that I take issue with, and sometimes the content or rules, but less so.

Parents who have many rules risk falling into the trap or over relying on them. Suddenly everything is black and white. What kids do is viewed in terms of the rules - did they obey? Life becomes all about when the rules are broken and the consequences. Your kid broke a rule and must be punished. Having too many rules and fixating on them is, to my mind, bad parenting.

When a situation occurs, it's important that a parent not only addresses the problem, but finds out why it happened. Talking to and working with children is better for them, they learn that their input and feelings are valued and a situation can be a learning experience. If we go right to dealing with rule breaking, we lose an opportunity to teach and redirect behaviour, to understand why something happened and work to avoid it in future.

There's a lot of talk about rules and "bad" behaviour when we're visiting my nephew. The rules aren't particularly well defined, there's little or very disorganized responses to rule infractions, and no one seems to be actively trying to teach him about the fundamental values of respect or empathy.

Some particular rules seem overkill and counterproductive. I can understand banning some very nasty words, especially for small children who may not understand their meaning, but others? Banning mildly offensive words, or words like "hate" for example, seems limiting to a child's expression. Use of those words may provide insight into how a child is feeling or chances to talk to a child about language and respect. The more something is taboo, the more a child may rebel later as well.

I also dislike rote manners. Teaching a child to say "please" and "thank you" as a matter of course seems to demean their meanings. I am very pro manners, it's ingrained in the Canadian psyche, but I want to facilitate Geekling learning to say them for the right reasons.

Instead of "Tell Grandma thank you", maybe something more like "Was that a nice thing for Grandma to do? (insert hopeflly positive response) When someone does something nice, we can say thank you to let them know we liked it. Do you want to do that?"

Having too much emphasis on rules and being "bad" or "good" can encourage kids to want to please people. This is actually a bad thing, believe it or not. Perhaps this is something women are more familiar with than men, girls are often pushed more to be "good" than boys who are sometimes cut slack for being boys. The constant awareness of being "good", seeking approval or being right, is damaging. It skews ones sense of self and you become much more concerned about pleasing others, and what others think, than about your own particular happiness. It creates a lot of anxiety. Anxiety is also a problem when a child is focused on the rules instead of being less encumbered and more free to learn and fail without being labeled "bad". Trust me, I've been there.

Of course, being too lax is problematic as well. Parents need to provide stable guidance and not be totally wishy washy, otherwise children will be confused and find it difficult to trust a very unpredictable parent. I've experienced this too and it's very frustrating for a child. It's also very hard for a child to respect a parent who behaves this way.

Essentially, I feel that creating expectations and boundaries that can allow a child to feel safe, means creating a family environment where Geekling knows that I will always be willing to hear her side of the story and act fairly and respectfully towards her. That I'm willing to be flexible on many things, and explain as much as much as possible, but that I'm also her Mom and sometimes she'll have to do things she may not want to do or face a consequence because of something she chose to do. It means being firm about rules that are really important and letting her know why those particular things are non-negotiable.

It means letting her know that she's loved no matter what happens and leaving the labels "good" and "bad" out of it.

Right now Geekling is still very small. Most of my experience with kids comes from family and working with kids in other settings. A lot of this is theoretical as I haven't had a whole lot of need to implement it yet, but I do intend to try. It'll probably be a lot of work, especially all that explaining a communication, but I think it will be worth it. I'm sure I'll adjust my views and methods as things progress too.

Trekkie regrets

2009-05-14T21:09:00.003-04:00

There was time I would have been right there, opening night or soon after. A time when I would have donned a t-shirt or worn a communicator (though you'd never have caught me in a mini-skirt).

Sigh.

It's been over a week and I *still* haven't seen the new Star Trek.

It's got 96% on rotten tomatoes! Eee hee hee heeeee

On the up side, apparently when Half Blood Prince comes out, TWN doesn't mind me ditching him at home to go :p

I'm leaving Wolvie 'til DVD though - at 37% it not worth wasting any potential night out.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T22:33:00.002-04:00

So it's late in the evening on Mother's Day - where I am anyway.

We both woke up very grumpy and exhausted due to a late running Heroic Naxx run. It went on *forever*. I think we get the worst of it, as we're in a time zone 1 hour ahead of most other people that we play with.

Amusingly, TWN consumed coffee the other day. This is a sign of the apocalypse. TWN is know for proclaiming "Sheer force of will!" whenever anyone offers him caffeine. This time, I offered to make him a cup as I do for myself.

"I'm actually thinking about it." He says

I respond with some comment about how a little won't hurt.

"Uh huh - see these marks?" He points to imaginary track marks on his arm. "This is what WoW has done to me." As if to illustrate how vulnerable he is to addiction or over indulgence.

"You want me to do this to my other arm?"

"It's only 1 cup."

"Right." He sighs and motions for me to make the coffee. "Half a cup."

"Just like the two week free trial - you can always stop." I say with a grin.

Yes - our lives are riddled with WoW references and metaphors.

TWN his coffee, provided by me in my thinkgeek caffeine molecule mug, and proclaimed it bitter. I proclaimed moral victory. Never again shall the word "Sheer force of will!" be uttered in our household without shame inducing mockery :p

In other news - TWN was awesome on the Mother's Day front, though I nearly ruined it by not actually *looking* in my sewing kit, despite doing some sewing, and thus not seeing the lovely locket that he got me until he hinted rather strongly in that direction. Oh - and tasty tasty marinated mushrooms were on hand - I love me some mushrooms.

I am writing this post whilst having a lovely red wine buzz that I may soon have to do without. We are considering trying for Geekling Mark II in the near future. Mmmm - so much wine to drink in so little time...

Terrifically Terrible Tantrums (and other annoyingly alliterative actions)

2009-05-08T08:00:00.001-04:00

Terrible Tantrums

Woeful Whining

Searing Screeches

Yes - my little babe is definitely a toddler now. All actual toddling aside, Geekling now stubbornly asserts her will in several hard to handle ways. I've developed a few ways of dealing with her resistance techniques and try not to let situations get to the point where I have to drag her squirming, squealing, screechy self away. It can be especially difficult when she decides to go all She-Hulk and tear apart or throw whatever is nearest to her - usually with an angry grunt.

So far I talk and explain, use distraction, and just sit and reiterate things to her until she's reduced from a hard boil to a slow pouty simmer. So far these things have mostly worked, unless she's upset/sad/scared whereupon cuddling is required. I have found that Alfie Kohn's advice (from his Unconditional Parenting book that I've partially blogged about) to decide if something really needs to be done, or if I really need to say no, has helped.

Yesterday, Geekling was determined to do things her way...

She arched and fought being put in her car seat. I figured we could stick around and get something to eat.

She arched and fought being put in her stroller. I let her walk along pushing it or holding it instead.

She wanted to stop and play with the buckles. I redirected her to pushing.

She cried when we arrived at the restaurant/cafe because she wanted to keep pushing her stroller. I pointed out our friend that works there that Geekling likes (and who got us a table in a back corner where Geekling submitted to sitting in her stroller).

She whined and wanted her sandals off. I took them off as long as she stayed in her stroller.

She yanked off her hat. I let her, but got it on her once we were out in the sunshine.

She demanded to pull things off the table. I put a couple of her board books on the table and she pulled them off and restacked them over and over.

By and large, there was some complaining from her, but it was pretty tame as long as I stayed on top of it and didn't ignore her.

I don't expect her to be happy all the time, so I don't constantly focus on amusing her or making her smile. In fact, sometimes I try to reduce my interactions with her when she's in a certain mood, so that she'll do some of her own exploring and play. I do try and head off the whining and unhappy screeches.

Food is a problem though.

Geekling is our first and so I'm not entirely confident in my ability to tell if she's eaten enough or know if she's hungry. She still hasn't got many words. I don't want to force food on her, though she'll spit food out if she decides she doesn't want it anyway, but I'd rather not have her subsisting on Mini-Wheats. OK, *maybe* that's an exaggeration, but she does seem to only want to eat grains, cereals, milk and breaded chicken strips. This is aside from the battles at mealtimes over lids and containers, which she will insist on playing with if left in sight.

Last night was particularly trying. Geekling wouldn't eat much of anything except crackers and milk (a few quick spoonfuls of pear), though she demanded her share of a cookie when she saw TWN bring me one later. I'm a bit worried that food will become her way of asserting herself and she'll continue to reduce her list of approved foods. I'm also hesitant to serve the beloved spinach again after this.

Any suggestions?

I'd also be happy for any foods that would be easy for her to eat herself. She pulls sandwiches apart and won't eat raw veggie pieces (or cooked ones really)...

"Spoiled" is cute?

2009-05-07T11:29:00.003-04:00

Am I the only one who despises the slogans on kids shirts? I mean, things like "spoiled", "I left my brain in my locker", "boys are stupid", etc on shirts as small as size 4 (let alone bigger)?

They all seem to negative or snide, and all of them have attitude. It's almost a chore to find a slogan that's more positive. The boys ones all seem to be about behaving badly.

Geekling isn't quite old enough for those sizes yet and the few items she has with any words are or were things like "Boob - it's what's for dinner" or words like "cute" and "sweet".

Is it just me?

I *do* have to confess to trying to find Geekling a black tee with the Bat symbol on it - like he's the greatest role model :p

Preferred Princesses

2009-05-06T08:00:00.004-04:00

Here's my current list of preferred princesses. I appreciate that the drawn ones, with the possible exception of Wonder Woman, aren't super skinny pretty girls. They also all have their own minds and take active parts in their adventures.

Picture books

Mollie Whuppie and the Giant
by Robin Muller
I had this book when I was growing up. It was one of my favourites. Based on a Scottish tale, it reverses the usual tale and has a third daughter, instead of a third son, going on a quest. Molly returns several times to thwart a giant with her cleverness, and, in doing so, wins the hands of the local princes for herself and her elder sisters. My mom still has my copy of this, so hopefully I can get it back to read to Geekling.

The Paper Bag Princess
by Robert Munsch
I love Munsch's books. This one is a classic. The princess starts off preparing to get married when her prince is kidnapped by a dragon and she has to rescue him. She clever and resourceful - the book is great fun to read, like most Munsch book's are. I already have one or two copies of this book.

Princess Pigsty
by Cornelia Funke
This is a cute book about a princess who hates being a princess because all she ever gets to do is sit around looking pretty. She's very determined. I thought it was a fun read. Funke has another book called Princess Knight that I've heard is also quite good.

Novels

The Princess Tales
by Gail Carson Levine
There are several of these little books that you can get in cute little hardcovers (I have the set). The stories include Princess Sonora and the Long Sleep (Sleeping Beauty), Cinder-Ellis and the Glass Hill and The Fairy's Mistake. They're short and satisfying reads.

Ella Enchanted
by Gail Carson Levine
This book was made into a movie, but as in many cases, the book is far and away more enjoyable. The movie took the basic premise and Shrek-ified it. The book is a classic and I highly recommend it. Ella is an endearing character, doing her best to persevere some very trying circumstances and overcome her curse - the added twist in this novel, that Ella is "blessed" by a fairy to always be obedient, made the Cinderella story interesting for me again. I'd recommend just about anything by this author.

Beauty & Rose Daughter
by Robin McKinley
These are two different tellings of the Beauty and the Beast tale. McKinley is an award winning writer who has written many fairytale adaptations and fantasy novels. Some good ones which are also princess themed include Spindle's end, The Hero And The Crown and The Blue Sword.

Shannon Hale
Hale has written and is still writing some great books. She also wrote a graphic novel called Rapunzel's Revenge, a wild west flavoured version of the tale, which is how I first discovered her works. Hale's characters are rounded and flawed, showing real emotion and believable behaviour instead of being more typical fairytale cliches.
Book of a Thousand Days: A wonderful book, in a setting similar to the Mongolian steppes, that I personally enjoyed greatly. The narrator Dashti is actually the servant of a princess who is imprisoned with her in a tower for seven years when the princess refuses to marry the prince her father has made a pact with.
Princess Academy: This one is my favourite of Hale's books so far. The main character Miri is a smaller more frail girl among a hard working mining territory. When it is foretold that the prince must marry a girl from that territory, a princess academy is set up to train and evaluate the eligible girls. It's partly a coming of age tale and largely about finding your own place in the world, even if you aren't quite like everyone else.
The Goose Girl: Based on the tale of the same name, this novel has a wonderful depiction of the trials and character development an originally sheltered princess goes through. There is a sequel of sorts called Enna Burning.

The Ugly Princess and the Wise Fool
by Margaret Gray
This small book is mainly a comedic tale and it's a light fun read. It makes a little fun of the princess genre, but isn't to sharp or sarcastic - it also has a rather sweet ending. I got lucky and picked this up used on a whim.

Ordinary Princess
by M.M. Kaye
This is a sweet tale about a princess who received the gift of being ordinary, instead of being beautiful, from one the fairies to attend her birth.

I have heard of, but never read, Meg Cabot's Princess Diaries. For more adult oriented reworked fairytales, Gregory Maguire of Wicked fame has written novels based on Cinderella and Snow White (Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister and Mirror, Mirror respectively).

Comic books

Wonder Woman/Princess Diana
Various authors
I'd recommend the current run, particularly those issues written by Gail Simone (whose run on Birds of Prey was excellent and can be found collected in graphic novels). Keep in mind though, that comics these days are not always as kid friendly as they once were. They're less zap and pow and more like cable tv.

The Courageous Princess
by Rod Espinosa
Just like the title, the princess here is courageous and self rescuing. Mabelrose is young and has a few magical animal friends.

Neotopia
by Rod Espinosa
Collected in four little graphic novels, this epic story follows Nalyn, a maid who has lived her life with the royal family and has been ordered by the princess to impersonate her. Nalyn does, to great success, and ends up leading the charge when a neighbouring state declares war on them.

Bone
by Jeff Smith
The award winning Bone series has grown very popular since Scholastic began reissuing the graphic novels in colour and in kid sizes. While the Bone brothers are the main characters in the beginning, another significant character is Thorn, a princess in hiding. The series is fantasy with lots of humour. For a princess, Thorn is strong, courageous, intelligent and loyal, getting her share of the action and heroics as well.

Film

Ever After
I like this Cinderella retold movie with Drew Barrymore. Here, the Cinderella character takes action to help others and rescues herself. By the end of the movie, she seems to have rescued the prince from himself via their friendship and romance. The French setting, with Leonardo da Vinci no less, works wonderfully.

Hayao Miyazaki's films
Miyazaki's films generally have great female characters. I loved Spirited Away, though that really isn't a princess story at all. The film Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind is named after the princess who lives in a post apocalyptic type setting. The story itself is about man's misuse of technology, war and living in harmony with nature. The manga (comics) on which it is based are available as graphic novels; the movie only tells part of the whole story. I'm a big fan of all his films. Though many of them are better in the original Japanese with subtitles, Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke have excellent English dubs, while the others ok.

I covered what I think of the princesses in Star Wars, Shrek and the Disney films in my previous Princess Issues post.

That's all I have so far. As I've said, I've been reading and watching quite a bit, and I do like to see rewrites and new takes on older fairytales and legends. If you have any suggestions or princesses you like, please let me know!

Princess Issues

2009-05-04T08:00:00.004-04:00

Yes I have princess issues. Most of them drive me a bit squirrelly. Lately though, I've been seeking out and reading a lot more princess themed stuff and it's quite good. I think it's because I really want to find princesses that I feel are better for Geekling to adore and want to emulate than some of the traditional ones.

Currently, there are the following traditional princesses that have been popularized (notice none of them have mother's that are present in their stories):

Snow White
The most popular and known version is, of course, the Disney one. Snow White is a classic damsel. In the original story, she is very passive or reactionary, being unfairly treated by her father's new wife. She's dragged off by the woodsman, rescued from death because of his choice, left, rescued by dwarves, poisoned, rescued again by the prince... well, she's not much to aspire to really. The only reason people love/hate her seems to be her beauty as well - she has no personality of her own. There is a non-kid friendly film Snow White: A Tale of Terror that isn't bad and is more of a dark fairytale like many of the original Grimm tales.

Cinderella
There are lots of great versions of Cinderella that are better than the original tale and the Disney version. In those, Cinderella is still a down trodden member of her stepmother's household, but she's more proactive and a more real character. The classic versions still leave her as a passive character - the fairy godmother gets her to the ball, the prince has to be the one to chase her, etc. There are many good modern versions that give Cinderella more credit and ability: Ella Enchanted the novel, the film Ever After, are my favourites.

Sleeping Beauty
One of the worst in my not so humble opinion. I the original fairytale it's not a kiss that awakes her, it's the birth of twins (eeeeee). The nicer Disney version still leaves Aurora as a passive damsel, though the fairies are interesting characters. Robin McKinley has written a novel called Spindle's End, a loosely based Sleeping Beauty tale, and Gail Carson Levine authored Princess Sonora and the long sleep, which is quite good - all her Princess Tales are.

The Little Mermaid
A tragic tale completely reworked by Disney. The Little Mermaid is still pretty tragic to me. She completely and utterly throws away her own self in pursuit of a man, a handsome prince she hardly knows. That's not even getting into the symbolism of giving away her voice and obtaining legs to replace her tail. In Disney's version, Ariel goes from a spunky underwater princess, who rescues the prince, to an on land damsel for the rest of the film. She takes no real part in thwarting Ursula (who is, in fact, an excellent female villain). I worry Geekling might gravitate towards this princess, being a fellow ginger and all. However, i have not watched the sequel with Ariel's daughter, which sounds like it might be better character wise.

Beauty (of Beauty and the Beast)
Beauty has her moments. She is usually willing to sacrifice herself for her family, though whether it is her choice or forced upon her varies. Of the Disney princesses she's one of the better ones. In Disney's version, Belle reads, has her own mind and chooses her fate in trading herself for her father. Robin McKinley has rewritten this tale twice and very well too - though I think I like Rose Daughter best. There are lots of versions of this tale in varying mediums.

Arabian Princess AKA Jasmine
Most princess type characters in Arabian settings are very little characterized. It's all about the hero. In the Aladdin tale, the wife is duped by the villain. In Disney's Aladdin, Jasmine at least has a mind of her own, strong feelings and takes action even while being the damsel. Her father listens to her and tries to make her happy. Jasmine is smart enough to see through disguise (mostly) and see the true nature of potential suitors. She also is brave enough not to be a completely useless damsel and distracts Jafar. All in all, it could be much worse.

On a side note, most of the Disney Princesses are far too thin and too much emphasis is placed on exceptional beauty. This can be said for many animated works though.

Other popular princesses include:

Princess Leia - Star Wars
Leia rocks actually, though she is sadly the only female in the core Star Wars franchise that does. She leads her people, resists torture, fights, goes undercover, falls in love, never whines or cries and is tough even in a bikini (hey - she kills Jabba while wearing it doesn't she?) Unfortunately, her mother Padme Amidala doesn't fare as well. She starts off as a competent and powerful queen and ends as a weepy powerless damsel that's been duped by Palpatine and betrayed by Anakin. Padme apparently dies in childbirth because she's lost the will to live, having been so traumatised by Anakin - nevermind she's just had twins who need her. Bleah.

Princess Fiona - Shrek
Fiona acts, initially, like a traditional damsel, but then shows that she's smart, competent and can kick butt. In fact, she never really needed rescuing - she was just following what she was "supposed" to be doing as a cursed princess. By the end, Fiona has gotten through most of her issues and in the second movie is more in charge of her own destiny - clearly choosing Shrek and their ogre love over superficial beauty and "happily ever after". The first movie itself seems a bit of a critique of the what a traditional princess should be. Fiona's mother also plays a small but significant role in some of the movies.

Princess Zelda - various The Legend of Zelda games by Nintendo
Princess Peach - various Mario games by Nintendo
Mostly damsels with little character, though I have to say in TLoZ:Ocarina of Time Zelda gets to let loose and take her share of the action - Wind Waker is interesting for her too. Princess Peach gets her own game and saves Mario in Super Princess Peach.

Buttercup - The Princess Bride
Technically based on the excellent book by William Goldman, the movie is the most popularly known. Buttercup is a bit of a mixed bag. She isn't all that active in pursuing what she wants or rescuing herself, though she does: try to escape her kidnappers, attack "Dread Pirate Roberts", sacrifice herself to protect Wesley and finally get around to standing up to Prince Humperdink. Unfortunately, instead of fighting for herself, when she thinks she's ended up married to the Prince, she opts for suicide - which to me is a big mark against her for me. She's rescued from following through by Wesley.

Princess Diana AKA Wonder Woman
Yup - she's technically and Amazon princess, her mother is Queen Hippolyta of the Amazons (though she isn't her biological daughter, as Diana was magically created). Historically, Diana is a hit and miss character, though her modern incarnation is pretty good (the comic was recently being written by an excellent female writer Gail Simone). You can read the details on wiki, but currently she's a very capable warrior and diplomat. She's also a respected member of the Justice League and a good friend of Superman's. Diana is an honorable, intelligent and empathetic heroine. I haven't seen the Wonder Woman animated film yet, but Gail Simone was one of the writers so I'm hopeful.

Come back soon for my follow up Preferred Princesses post!

Free Comic Book Day Tomorrow!

2009-05-01T08:00:00.000-04:00

Saturday, May 2nd is Free Comic Book Day this year.

Drop by your local comic book shop for a free comic (the website linked above has a store locator). There will be lots of variety depending on what that particular shop ordered. Don't get greedy though - you may get a free comic but the retailer still has to pay for them, albeit at a reduced price.

Extra Ick on the Home Front

2009-04-30T07:57:00.003-04:00

So the past few days have been a bit exhausting.

TWN had what we think it was food poisoning. In any case, the end result was a couple days of him either in bed or over the toilet.

Of course, Geekling ramped up then too, perhaps due to teething combined with a couple vaccinations on Monday, and decided it was time for her to perfect her tantrums throwing skills.

Sigh.

I got a parking ticket yesterday for staying too long in a half empty public parking lot. I would have cried if I hadn't been so mad. Last night wasn't much better. Our Naxx 10 man run was a farce as too many people were under geared. Soooo frustrating.

Today seems better, TWN feels better anyway, but Geekling is still a hair trigger.
I can only hope that the market distracts her this morning. I'd really like to check my favourite blogs and news online, but I barely have time to write this.

While I'm here - don't forget that Saturday, May 1st, is Free Comic Book Day! Stop by your nearest comic book store and grab a free comic. There's always lots of neat stuff as publishers make sure to offer a variety (i.e. not just superhero comics).

Baby Ick

2009-04-27T08:00:00.000-04:00

So this past week we had our first major vomiting episode with Geekling and Sunday evening bath was our first big poop in the tub.

Babies sure are messy. :p

Geekling has found numerous ways to be messy, that in truth aren't really that bothersome, and she really dislikes being cleaned up. It's as if she's proud of her mess and she resents me thwarting her ickfest. Whether it's spitting out, examining and then eating chewed up food or getting her hands into the most disgusting things possible (and then trying to suck on them), my little explorer has no girly girl fear of the gross things in life. Not yet anyway.

For the most part, I worry less about messes and more about things that might make her sick.

This past weekend was nice, as the weather was mostly good and we got outside a bit. Unfortunately, Geekling has some hand me down sandals that appear to have given her a blister on the side of her foot. No complaining so far, but we may avoid that pair until they fit better.

Oh - and her maniacal laugh is coming along nicely...

Summer movie geekfest

2009-04-24T09:00:00.001-04:00

Had some fun watching trailers for upcoming movies recently, most of'em summer ones. I have to say - Star Trek looks *awesome*. I am feeling the Trekkie excitement and also the Trekkie dread, as it might turn out to be dreck like some other sci fi franchise prequels I could mention. Now I have to figure out what we're going to do with Geekling so we can go see it in theatres...

Also up and coming (well, for me, with Geekling, this means it was released this year):

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - I am a huge Harry Potter fangirl (eee hee hee heeeee...) and I'm really looking forward to this one. It looks fantastic.
Astro Boy - This could be fun but it looks a little to modern North American in it's sensibilities to me.
Terminator Salvation - This actually looks great and like it's borrowing a bit from Battlestar Galactica (which sounds good to me). Apparently they have the next one lined up already, so the ending might be pretty messy.
Up - Pixar's new film, need I say more? I am so glad that Disney surrende- err... bought them (though I still wish they'd include more female characters).
Fanboys - This Star Wars fan movie came out in Feb. My WoW guildmaster's husband drove 10+ hours with his kids to see it and almost missed the show (he forgot to account for the time zone change).
Wolverine - Once upon a time I was big into Marvel comics - I'm not quite so hardcore anymore, but I'd still like to see how they do Origin. Lots of different characters get packed into this one. Personally, I want to see how they portray Deadpool as he was always one of my favourite baddies.

I've also been keeping track of the film Scott Pilgrim vs. The World based on the comic Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life by Bryan Lee O'Malley. It's wacky and addictive and I highly recommend it.

Bleah

2009-04-23T14:00:00.000-04:00

Geekling had her first unexpected sickness last night - she vomited up her entire dinner.

TWN and I were online (playing WoW) and heard a few odd coughs coming out of her through the monitor. A bit later she was upset and I went in to shush her a bit and give Geekling her pacifier. I knew immediately upon entering that something was very wrong.

Regurgitated spinach and cheese creates quite a stench, I can tell you.

It was everywhere - only her stuffed penguin was spared. The sheets and underpad were toast. Her outfit was a total loss as was her diaper wrap (Geekling is in cloth diapers and so has a diaper and a leakproof wrap on). The spinach was the worst though, as it was still in little chopped up pieces and stuck to everything. I removed her to the bathtub where she vomited again (she has, thankfully, never seen The Exorcist, so her vomiting was generally a fast dribble) while TWN dealt with our hazmat scene.

Having cleaned her and the crib up, I tried to sing/rock her back to sleep. After a couple songs, we ended up having to dash to the bathroom and another outfit change was required. TWN and I cuddled her a bit and let her munch a cracker. Once we thought she had expelled everything she had in her, TWN took her and again the singing and the rocking commenced. This time a small bucket was kept by the rocker. Geekling had one last dry heave and settled down.

Around 1:30am she woke again and, being tired and worried, TWN brought he back to our bed. Luckily for us, Geekling promptly fell back asleep once she was being cuddled, which was nice as, sometimes, she'll take this as a signal to wake up and play. Geekling did wake us early. Having moved into a horizontal position, I had her head shoved into my neck while TWN was being kicked in the face. Apparently, we were not rousing fast enough for her.

Today she seems entirely recovered. I plan on tossing the rest of that spinach mix and the milk she was drinking last night - just to cover all possible vomit-inducing variables. for the next little while, if she's wanting some green, she can have broccoli or go back to breaking the spines on my She-Hulk comics.

The newer She-Hulk series by Dan Slott is excellent BTW

Believing in People

2009-04-21T11:00:00.000-04:00

On many of the "mommy" blogs that I read there have been posts about two fairly well known bloggers that have recently gone through the loss of their babies. In many of these posts there have been calls for prayers and comments filled with I'm-praying-for-yous. I find this simultaneously touching and very foreign.

I think the label that best describes me is secular humanist, though if you pressed me as to whether I believed in a deity, at this point I'd say no. While my heart goes out to people, my first instinct when these things happen is not to impose my presence if it's not needed or wanted, and then to see if there's anything I can help with (either directly or by making a donation, etc). Praying seems irrelevant to me, though I would not want to get into any kind of religious discussion with someone during a trying time - especially if their faith is helping them through.

Mothergoosemoose posted about this as well and it sums up a lot of my feelings.

I see her point. I remember really liking that the pilot who landed the jet in the Hudson river in New York was praised in the media and there was an absence of attributing it all to God or some miracle. It bothers me when human beings and their accomplishments - doctors who save cancer patients, emergency crews in disaster zone rescues and so on - get forgotten when "miracles" and God's "divine will" or prayer answers are trumpeted. I think if we acknowledged human beings more, people would have a greater faith in humanity and the ability of people to come together and do wonderful things. Too often it seems like the focus is all about how good God is and the good things God makes happen, with the other side being all the horrible things humans do. God saves people who have medical ailments or are in peril. God doesn't contribute to the deaths of people who don't survive or isn't cited where people are harmed in the name of religion - those things are all attributed to the mistakes or evils that human beings can commit.

I don't mean to slam religion or say it isn't helpful for people who have faith in times of need. I understand that those who are religious look to God for meaning in things that happen. All that I really want is for all people to have the chance to see and hear about the good normal everyday individuals can do too. That the actions of people are lauded so that people can see the good in their fellow human beings and be able to trust, rely or be inspired by each other.

I'd like to be able to show my daughter all the wonderful things people can do, and that she could do, and not have her drowned in the negative media that focuses on all the horrible things people have done.

Inherited Insensitivity?

2009-04-16T09:00:00.000-04:00

I realized, interacting with my nephew Spazz (who I worry about) on Easter weekend, that I am prone to dismissing his feelings. I don't know if I do this with other kids or just with older kids or mainly with boys - I don't think I do (not with younger kids anyway) but I'm thinking more carefully about it now. I do know that, instead of confronting something that he was upset about, I brushed him off - an "oh you're fine" or some such.

My family does tend to be verbally sharp and there's quite a bit of banter. Generally, this can be fun as long as it's not taken seriously and people stay away from particularly sensitive points. However, if you aren't used to it or aware of how it works, like an outsider or a kid might be, it can come across as harsh and potentially mean. When TWN first started coming to visit his potential in-laws, he was a bit taken aback and overwhelmed by it. I think he's mostly used to it now (after 10+ years) and can participate.

Anyone else have anything similar? TWN - hurry up and comment! :p

Braaaack!

2009-04-15T12:08:00.001-04:00

Geekling is awesome and funny and cute - though I may be biased.

She has figured out what a burps are. When she burps, sometimes with great gusto and fratboy-esque volume I usually say "Burp!" or some such. Once she figured out what I meant, she started responding to my acknowledgment of her burp with a little fake burp.

"Braaaack"
"You had a burp!"
"Aack!"

It's so cute, I'm not sure I can bring myself to discourage it or her other loud and proud burps.

An Auntie Worries

2009-04-14T08:00:00.000-04:00

Wherein I worry about my nephew...

Background:

My nephew Spazz is my brother's son. He was born when my brother (B) was 17 and his girlfriend (T) was 16. They had broken up before he was born, but they remained friends.

B always had some issues. My father was broody and had difficulties with depression. He was also verbally abusive. Never the less, after my parents divorced, B always looked up to him and wanted to spend time with him. Dad wasn't so good about showing up for visits though. My mom, having been through the wringer a bit, was always a more passive parent. She wasn't good with conflict or discipline. My brother basically walked all over her and ended up having little respect for women. Mom had decided, as she has said to me in a roundabout way, that I was a fairly competent and independent child and didn't really need as much as my brother. So she put more effort and comfort towards him as he seemed more sensitive and damaged by the divorce, overcompensating for B no longer having our dad around. My relationship with my mother was damaged quite a lot by that decision. B ended up being spoiled and given far too much latitude. He treated my mother badly and anyone who tried to correct his behaviour (other relatives) was undermined by my mother.

There's a lot to fill in here, but that would make this a book instead of a blog post.

Jumping ahead, my brother B died in a random accident when Spazz was 4. Spazz now splits his time between home, with single mom T, staying at her father's house - his grandpa R, and staying with my mom on alternate weekends. He spends *a lot* of time not at home. His mother works long hours. When she does get time off she often chooses not to spend it with him. Spazz loves loves loves seeing us when we visit, especially TWN, and once left us suddenly when he found out his mom had gotten off work and was able to spend some time with him. We didn't begrudge him a bit. We aren't terribly impressed by T though.

His last birthday - his 10th - his birthday gift was a joint one from members of our side of the family. We have a small fund put aside for him to help pay for things like summer camp and such. Things my brother might have done were he alive. My mom came up with the idea, and we agreed, that his birthday gift would be a trip to Disney World with his mom. Spazz hasn't ever really had a vacation and time alone with his mom is scarce too. We thought this would be great.

Spazz loved the idea and T did as well. The problem? It's been a year and, despite my mother's efforts, T still hasn't "been able" to get a week off work. I skip going into a little rant about the legal requirements of employers in this province, and go right to - what?! Poor Spazz is still in love with the idea and mentions it, but I worry that he'll be disappointed and it won't happen.

My mom tries, but she still has some issues too. My step-dad will vent quietly about it given the chance. She took B's passing quite hard and treats Spazz like a little B. That is to say, Spazz is now starting to show some of the same behaviour that B did as a child. Rudeness, disrespect, excessive aggressiveness, whining, and so on. It's clearly related to my mom. I've seen Spazz with his mom and he isn't as bad. When TWN and I are with him for a while, my nephew will tone it down and behave if we aren't undermined by my mom too. My step-dad has given up entirely.

Only now that it's gotten particularly noticeable (one of Spazz's friends asked him outright why he talked to his grandma that way), has my mom started attempting to lay down the law. The problem is, she inevitably gives in without other people supporting/needling her to stand up. We managed to make a dent when Spazz was smaller and get her to stop some questionable stuff (he was playing Grand Theft Auto before he started school for instance). It's harder now and we live 2-3 hours away.

This past weekend we visited and Spazz was alternately very happy and very petulant. He wanted to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. When he didn't get his way with my step-dad or us, his immediate response (after whining) was to go ask/harass my mom into permitting whatever he wanted. It was frustrating.

I don't want to be self righteous or end up causing aggravation because we see things differently, and we are at a distance, but given what we see and my step-dad's commentary... I doubt my mom will ever change, but I worry about my nephew and how he'll adjust in life. He has no patience or tolerance for anything he doesn't like. Spazz can be aggressive and retaliates physically to perceived slights (i.e. when accidentally bruised while rough housing, he'll turn around and deliberately try to injure the other party) and also has a tendency to throw things at people with little regard or forethought to possible injuries (is this typical of 11 year old boys?). He seems to me to be a big approval seeker at times, when he's not caught up in his own wants/demands. I think his other family mitigates this for Spazz, but my brother B had big issues with women (disrespect verbally and, I've been hold second hand, possibly physically) which I believe were related to both my dad as a role model and my mom allowing that attitude to flourish.

Am I worrying too much? Am I overly sensitive to typical kid stuff because there are one or two issues? Any suggestions?

Filler comic book post for Easter

2009-04-08T08:00:00.001-04:00

Ok - so I haven't finished my next post yet ;p

BUT

Since Easter approaches, I thought I'd let you know about a neat comic being published right now called American Jesus. The first installment has been collected in graphic novel format and is currently for sale. It's actually really good - but only for teens and up I think.

A snippet from a newsarama article:

American Jesus is the larger name of Millar's re-telling of The Book of Revelation from the Bible, set in contemporary times. Both the returned Jesus and the Anti-Christ grow up in a world where at least one of them can more easily reconcile his powers with the notion that he may be a mutant, rather than a supernatural being whose presence signifies the beginning of the end of everything.

Read the first issue online!

Unconditional Parenting: Principles

2009-04-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

I'm reading the book Unconditional Parenting. You may want to read my First Post & Second Post on the subject.

Alfie Kohn sets up some general principles to work with when trying to parent unconditionally. They pretty much sum up his parenting philosophy based on his own and others research. In general, I like them a lot. Here's my rough take...

1: Be reflective
Thinking about your motives as a parent, and why you do the things you do, helps you to better understand yourself as a parent and evaluate whether you want continue the same or make changes. Kohn's basic point is that if we don't think about what we're doing and our own issues, we'll miss out on a lot of the family dynamic and won't see potential problems - "Be honest with yourself about your motives". I think reading this book, and blogging about parenting, are reflective actions. Parenting blogs in general provide a huge range of perspectives and experiences. There seems to be no shortage of bloggers examining themselves as parents. I think it helps create a more realistic picture of parenting and gives people opportunities to discuss/ argue/ challenge/ support each others parenting views.

2: Reconsider your requests
Are we being reasonable with our kids? Should we reconsider whether we should be making the requests or demands that we are? Is the request of value or necessity? I think this is part of #1 as well as affected by #3, #6 (respect) and #9 (being realistic in our expectations of kids). If what I am demanding as a parent is not realistically possible, disrespectful of my child's needs/feelings or is only a demand because of my own internal issues, then it's likely only to cause unnecessary conflict. On the other hand, a request may be some of those things and still be important. I lump this into the "choose your battles" philosophy.

3: Keep your eye on your long term goals
This means not getting bogged down in the day to day minutia, and keeping in mind our bigger goals as parents. Kohn cautions against using parenting strategies that might impede long term goals and harkens back to #1 as well. Little things that might be pushing our buttons may not really matter, but our reactions to them do.

4: Put the relationship first
Well, I interpreted this to mean that it's more important that your relationship is healthy than that you, as a parent, have complete control or are "right". A better relationship means your child trusts you and chooses to spend time with you.

There will be times, in order to do the right thing, we have to put our foot down and cause our kids to become frustrated with us. But before we resort to controlling interventions, before we make a child unhappy, and certainly before we do anything that could be construed as putting conditions on our love, we should make absolutely sure that it's worth the possible strain on the relationship.

This hits home for me. I never really felt, for a variety of reasons, that I could trust my parents. It's an issue for me and I know it will affect how I want to parent Geekling.

5: Change how you see, not just how you act
My take: If you can't look at things from a different angle or another perspective, it's hard to change how you'll act/react in a situation. As rational as we may all think we are, emotions run high. If we can't teach ourselves to see a child's perspective, it's easier for it to become all about us. I personally want to avoid any jumping to thinking that a child is challenging my authority or trying to push my buttons, etc, instead of trying to determine the root of their behaviour and addressing that. I like that Kohn emphasizes "working with" kids rather than "doing to" them, and seeing challenging situations as "teachable moments".

6: Respect
I remember all the things he's talking about and how I felt as a child.

Some [parents] sound snide and sarcastic. They write off their kids requests, dismiss their feelings... trivialize their fears. They interrupt their kids in a way they wouldn't dream of doing with another adult...may also talk about their children in a belittling way.
The child may come to believe that her feelings aren't important, that there's something wrong with her for having them..."

I think adults do sometimes tend to brush kids off and not fully recognize their feelings and experiences. I'm pretty sure I did when I was younger and not thinking about it as clearly as having kids in the immediate family and my own child has spurred me do. Maybe it's hard to remember what it felt like as a kid when adults did that to us. I sure do now and really really don't want my daughter to feel that way. I want her to feel valued and understood, not just loved in a vague way. I guess it comes down to wanting my child to feel that I love them and like them - that I love/like them and their faults, not despite their faults.

7: Be authentic
Good advice as far as I'm concerned - be honest, straightforward if you can, let your kids know that you're a real person like them: don't hide your mistakes, apologize when appropriate, let them know you have dreams/needs/wants too, etc. Kohn thinks apologies are particularly important and I can see his point, especially if that's the behaviour you want to model for your child.

8: Talk less, ask more
Ask questions and actually listen to the answers - don't assume you know what your child is thinking. This seems common sense really, but I can see how it might be easy to fall into thinking you already know what they want/need. Actually making kids feel like you are listening and taking their opinions into consideration, while often having to deny them what they want, is likely much harder than it sounds too - back to #6.

9: Keep their ages in mind
Oh yes - I've seen many people without any experience with kids have unrealistic expectations of a child - then they get mad or upset or worried. I think (hope?) I have a good grounding, having worked with kids and since reading up again on child development after the Geekling was born. I think, if anything, I worry about her developmental milestones. Most of my experience with kids is with kids 4+. Hopefully, I can avoid affecting her with my worries.

10: Attribute to children the best possible motives consistent with the facts
I like this one - basically, don't assume the worst. I've already seen parents do this and people tell me that Geekling is doing something for some malicious reason. She's only 14 months old. I can't see her getting all Machiavellian just yet. I think when you try to assume the best of a child, you end up with a more positive relationship. Otherwise, you can be put in the position of not liking your child based on preconceived ideas or you might be incorrectly blaming your child because you jump to a more negative interpretation of events.

11: Don't stick your no's in unnecessarily
This was not what I'd thought it would be - I've had concerns about over using the word "no"; that it would loose it's impact and the Geekling would stop paying attention when I used it. Kohn is referring to denying a child what they want. I think the way I interpreted can be distilled into "choose your battles", do you really need to say no? If it's a minor thing, does it really matter? I definitely agree with this one - save the battles for the important issues - and I think it goes well with #3: focusing on long term goals rather than immediate annoyances. I don't want to always be in conflict (I perhaps avoid conflict too much sometimes though).

12: Don't be rigid
This was an enlightening section and something I hadn't really thought about in depth. Kohn argues that parents should be flexible, making allowances and considering the context of situations, instead of having a X behaviour results in Y consequence mindset. Parents are encouraged to "think in terms of problems to be solved rather than infractions to be punished". With regards to siblings, he discusses how it's easier to use different methods with different children as needed if there isn't a rigid set of punishments or consequences in place - otherwise, to err from the established "rules" can be construed as favouritism. He doesn't mean to abandon predictability or structure though - just not to overdo it. Personally, I think I gravitate towards this way of doing things, situationally, in general. However, I could see how setting up a behaviour/consequence rule could be handy and yet backfire later on... if you need to make an exception, you could end up undermining your own authority.

13: Don't be in a hurry
Ooooh - this one is hard. Some days I'm always in a hurry. I think what Kohn is angling at thought is that we're more prone to fall into bad behaviours or not think things through when we're rushing or stressed. This is probably true, but with small children it's also hard to avoid. Geekling is still small enough that there's isn't a whole lot of negotiation or hurrying up just yet. I'm still doing most things for her.

This chapter has a final bit that I like and can already understand a little, even with the Geekling being as young as she is:

Finally, I can't resist pointing out that the phrase "don't be in a hurry" has another meaning. It might be thought of as a reminder to slow down and savour your time with your kids. When our first child was born, we quickly vowed to sling a poopy diaper at the next person who earnestly informed us that "they grow up so fast". Yeah, yeah. yeah, we said.
But it's true.

Thoughts On Being Omnivorous

2009-04-06T08:00:00.002-04:00

The food posts continue...

So, I'm a vegetarian... sort of.

When I was sixteen chose to become a vegetarian. My family declared it was a phase. More than 15 years later, they've pretty much given up on that line of thinking.

On and off I've eaten some fish - which would make me a pescetarian I guess. There were times though that I was very strict and seriously considered going vegan. Why didn't I? Well, for one, my hubby the The Wistful Nerd couldn't have taken it. He became a vegetarian in solidarity. We were living together and it was just easier. He didn't really seem to mind. Vegan though, that would have thrown him for a loop. The fish thing helped too.

Anyway, a couple years ago, after a lot of it's-really-ok-I-don't-care from me, he started eating some meat again. We didn't usually have meat in the house, maybe some sandwich meat slices, but when TWN ate out he'd go carnivore.

I've never been particularly militant about being a vegetarian. My reasons are less animal rights, though I acknowledge the problems there, and health/environmental impact (I'll probably write a long post about that someday).

Anyway, I was pescatarian while I was pregnant with the Geekling. I didn't really give a lot of thought to her eating habits, and when it came time, wasn't particularly concerned if she ate meat. So we tried it with her. I have to admit, the jarred baby meats were especially disgusting. She's been more open to fish than other meats. Red meat is right out. So far, the only way she'll eat chicken is in breaded fingers.

As for me, I have quietly, only at home and only currently from a certain source, started eating a bit of poultry.

Ssssssssh

If my family finds out I'll never hear the end of it.

I've been trying to address my own concerns about how our food is managed by eating locally and sustainably grown food. I visit the market a lot. We have a really great and big farmers market here that runs at east 2 days a week. I started buying eggs and chicken there. Eventually I tried some of it myself. Despite some weirdness in my body getting used to processing it again, it was ok. I've never missed meat though and am not driven to eat it. I'd be just as, if not happier, with tofu or fish (which is a conundrum for me currently - it's hard to eat fish sustainably unless you ask a lot of questions).

So here I am ocassionaly eating meat. (Does this make me a pollotarian?) I have no interest whatsoever in eating red meat again. The thought causes my stomach to roll - pork is icky! It's a bit challenging to my self image, as I've thought of myself as a vegetarian (who sometimes eats fish) for almost 2 decades.

TWN likes the term flexitarian. I think it kinda suits me too - and it definitely fits for the Geekling and her on again off again meat rejection.

Flexitarianism: semi-vegetarian diet focusing on vegetarian food with occasional meat consumption. A self-described flexitarian seeks to decrease meat consumption without eliminating it entirely from his or her diet. There are no guidelines for how much or how little meat one must eat before being classified a flexitarian. (wikipedia)

So, I think I'll continue as I am for now - this is a personal thing, so outside our house I'm still a vegetarian. Eventually, I'll have to decide whether to tell anyone else or try eating poultry somewhere other than at home.

Irregardless, I'm still going to be eating yummy homemade veg burgers this summer - maybe sooner if someone gets the propane tank refilled... (hint hint)

Quirky Food Selections - it's genetic!

2009-04-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

When I was little I was a bit picky. The strange thing is, while I ate many foods, I tended to dislike the foods everyone else seems to love, and love foods everyone else seemed to disdain.

I did not like:

tomatoes - but ketchup and sauces were ok
peppers of any colour were hated
onions, except for little green ones, and then only raw with dip
chunky sauces
orange juice

I did like:

lima beans - by the bowlful
brussel sprouts
sardines, which I ate in a ritualistic manner with my Dad, complete with decontamination afterwards
olives

The Geekling has some strange tastes too. I know many babies like certain foods that she won't eat: bananas, fruit juice, sweet potatoes, peas (though she did for a while), green beans, carrots, etc. What does she really like?

Geekling enjoys:

cottage cheese (or as we call it "Muskoka Moo")
baby bel cheeses - but only original or gouda
spinach (cooked with onion, cheese and parmesan cheese)
broccoli
cauliflower
blueberries
mango
cereal - even Daddy's cardboardy "healthy" flakes, which she demands at breakfast
salty stoned wheat thins
pan fried salmon patties
perogies, pan fried
egg, but only the yolk, and only hard boiled and mashed into crumbles
Nutella and chocolate, but not overly sweet things like maple syrup
peanut butter and honey sandwiches

I've been trying to get her into some new things but she's become reluctant. I did manage to get her to try refried beans the other day, when I had lunch at a Mexican stall at the market, and she happily ate several spoonfuls (with a predictable later result). She also ate some of the sticky rice we got with our takeout Japanese. Such a mess that was - ever tried to vacuum up sticky rice? Yeah. Clearly, I need to learn to make onigiri. Mmmmm, I love me some onigiri.

Any suggestions on feeding the Geekling?

Comic Books for pre-schoolers and elementary school kids

2009-04-01T08:00:00.005-04:00

The comics listed here are great for kids and adults a like really - I read and enjoyed most of them before I ever got pregnant (particularly the non-superhero ones).

Oh - and while you can probably order most of these on Amazon or Chapters/Indigo here in Canada, your local comic book store can order any of them for you and will also be able to find other volumes if there are multiple ones. They may even have what you want already in stock. Small businesses need support and will (usually) go out of their way to assist. Scholastic sells some of these titles too, so buying them through fundraisers is great too.

FYI: anything from the DC Vertigo line or the Marvel Comics MAX line (likely their Noir line too) are not not *not* for kids. These are lines specifically written for adult audiences and usually have warnings on them.

Comics with no reading skills required
Seriously. There are some really great comics for munchkins out there. There's next to no dialogue in them. Two in particular are:

Owly - by Andy Runton. This is my current favourite, these small graphic novels tell stories about Owly, a cute little owl, and Wormy, a cute little worm, friends who have little adventures together in a forest. It's sweet without being overly saccharin, annoying or cutesy. I highly HIGHLY recommend it. No scary scenes.
Korgi - this title by Christian Slade is about a little mystical puppy, a korgi named Sprout, and his companion, a little girl named Ivy. It follows them on their fantasy adventures, which do have a little fairytale style scariness in them. Think of it as the Hobbit for even younger kids.

Superhero comics for kids
I'm going to be very specific here. It used to be that comics in general were kid friendly and "Comics Code Approved", which actually really restricted superhero comics as a genre. Well, the old code has gone out the window. It's no longer easy to tell if that issue of Spider-Man is going to be great fun or great trauma for your child. The upside is that there are now lines of comics with the most popular superheroes that are written particularly for kids.

Marvel comics has a line called Marvel Adventures. These comics feature more old school story lines - the kind you you would have seen in the 50-60's comics. Heroes featured in these kid friendly comics include:

Spider-Man
Fantastic Four
The Avengers
Hulk & Iron Man were in this line but I think have been discontinued...

DC Comics DC Kids comics have lots of great titles - they tend to have a bit more kid oriented with slightly silly material.

Batman: The Brave and The Bold: there's also a cartoon too - this is a fun version of Batman for kids and adults.
Bill Batson and the Magic of Shazam!: The is a Captain Marvel comic by Mike Kunkel! (See Herobear and Kid below)
Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures in the Eighth Grade
Tiny Titans

Other titles for kids worth noting (both of which tie in to cartoons):

Power Puff Girls
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (yes, I think we can safely say that Jedi are superheroes)

Non-superhero comics for kids
Sooooo many good titles.

Leave It To Chance by James Robinson and Paul Smith: The paranormal adventures of a girl and her dragon. The art is comic book style, but cleaner than most. It's similar in material to The first few Harry Potter books, so I'd probably recommend this for kids 8+.
Bone by Jeff Smith: Originally published in black and white, this comic series is now available in a series of 9 coloured graphic novels. It's a fantasy with some scary bits, so probably 10+ unless you have a pretty mature kid who can handle it (a little coarse language too I think).
Herobear and the Kid by Mike Kunkel: A fun fantasy with a twist from a former Disney animator. All ages.
Scary Godmother by Jill Thompson: After going to a school where you either choose the fairy godmother or the witch track, Scary Godmother decided to do a double major :) The cast of characters in these books include a friendly vampire family, a lazy werewolf, and more. It's not really scary and she sometimes puts recipes for kids in her books too. All ages.
Magic Trixie by Jill Thompson: Ok - so I like Jill Thompson :). Her art is gorgeous and fantastical. Trixie is a little girl witch who goes to school with other supernatural type kids. In the first book, she has just become a big sister and is feeling a bit attention deprived as a result. She even has her own Magic Trixie Blog online. The book recommends itself for 8-12 year olds.
Nausicaa by Hayao Miyazaki: Miyazaki is better known in North America for his fantastic movies (Kiki's Delivery Service, Laputa or Castle in the Sky, Spirited Away, etc). This is the manga which spawned his movie by the same name (which is my husband's favourite). Nausicaa is kind of a post apocalyptic fairytale - she may be roughly described as a warrior princess; she's very empathetic, smart and capable. I'd say 10+ on this one.
Amelia Rules! by Jimmy Gownley: An award winning series for kids, this fun comic follows 4th grader Amelia's move to a new town after her parents get divorced. 8+
Polly and the Pirates by Ted Naifeh: A fun swashbuckling tale about a girl who is drafted into service by pirates who think her mother was their long lost leader. This tale is fun and Naifeh's art is cute and sardonic. 8+
Looney Tunes - hey, it's Bugs Bunny. All ages.

...and there's my *short* list :)

You Know You're A Geek Parent When...

2009-03-30T08:00:00.004-04:00

Something I've been thinking about for a while. My parenting co-conspirator has made some suggestions too. So far, it does appear to be slanted towards parents with young children...

You know you're a Geek Parent when:

You've caught your baby trying to eat a 4 sided die
You start planning your child's first convention before they can crawl
Your baby teethes on O'Reilly books
You plan to get your daughter hooked on Buffy before she hears about Twilight
Your baby has a makeshift cape
Your old Enterprise or Millennium Falcon model is currently hanging from your child's ceiling
The first thing you buy your child, before they are born even, is this
You refer to your child's growth as "leveling"
You sing cartoon theme songs instead of lullabies
Your child regularly visits a comic book store before they can read
You refer to your baby's poops as "epic" or "legendary"
you compare you sick teething baby to a zombie :p
Your child *theoretically* could have been named after a fictional character
You specifically avoid names for your children for fear of being mocked endlessly about the geeky connotations ( Clark, Jean-Luc... Xena)
You have your spouse/partner hold your baby up to the ceiling so you can take a "spider-baby" shot
You compare your toddler to The Cat - "this is mine, that's mine, aaaaall this is mine"
You plan on showing your child your old Star Wars tapes (before they "remastered" everything)
You've been saving your Star Wars bedsheets for your child
You refer to your child as an evil genius and encourage him/her to work on their maniacal laughter
You refer to your spouse as "Number One"
You plan siblings so that your first born will have minions
Your baby has a chthulu plush
You are simultaneously eager for your child to want to read comics and terrified that they'll want access to your (carefully bagged and boarded) collection
Instead of cursing in the presence of your offspring you say "frak, "frell" or "frag"

I get the feeling this list will only grow...

Curse You Object Permanence!

2009-03-27T08:40:00.000-04:00

Object permanence had thwarted many a geeky mommy distraction tactic. My little Geekling is an explorer. Once upon a time, I might have been able to remove the no-no item from her purvey and she would lose interest.

This has not been the case for some time (sigh).

Now when I close something, like my laptop to hide the screen, she expends great effort to try and open it. When I put something back or away, she dives for it's last known location or demands its return in baby hollers. The phone cannot rest easy in its cradle, books quiver on their shelves.

It's an ongoing game of tug and war.

And if it's food related? The cereal or cous cous or such run out, are taken away or something else is substituted?

The. World. Ends.

She knows perfectly well that the food lives in the fridge and if it runs out, well mommy, you'll just have to get some more, won't you? (This translates as an imperial "Da!" with emphatic finger pointing at the fridge.)

I just need more advance planning is all - and maybe the bookshelves need doors...

Trekkie girls gone geeky

2009-03-26T15:00:00.002-04:00

Yes trekkie - none of this pretentious "trekker" bs. :p

I love the collective geeking out in the comments on this Star Trek related Cake Wrecks post.

Not only is there geeking out of the Trek variety, it's mostly *women* geeking out. They say things like "I'm one of those rare female trekkies" when there are clearly lots of women chiming in. It's fun. Clearly I was not the only teenage girl trekkie who was watching talking about the ST:TNG at school the next day.

Still, I a bit embarrassed to admit that I had a magazine pin up on my wall of Wesley Crusher / Wil Wheaton (when I was 13) - but he's officially *cool* now, so it's probably ok.

My Immortality Fades...

2009-03-26T08:16:00.003-04:00

A couple days ago I was looking in the mirror. Really looking in the mirror.

Usually, when I use a mirror (and I don't know if this is true of anyone else), I'm really only looking at myself in a particular way. Is my hair ok? Is there anything in my teeth? Is my skin dry? Is there an eyelash in my eye?

I think this is because I, and maybe most people, already have an image of myself in my head. It's the face and body I visualize when I'm thinking about how something will look on me or what others are seeing when I do something. It's not necessarily how I truly look.

In fact, I've come to realize my self image is a bit out of date.

So yesterday I was looking in the mirror with Geekling. For her benefit, I look more closely at the world now, so that I can point things out and explain them to her. She isn't familiar with all this facial minutia, let alone being able to tell where her nose is, so I try and describe things for her as often as I can.

This particular time I was examining myself. Smiling, I looked into my own eyes and noticed the myriad of changes in my face from the last time I had took stock of myself and created my internal image.

Oh yes, I am *so* definitely in my thirties now.

For some reason, in my head, I've been in my twenties for a while. It probably doesn't help that I live in the town I went to university in, and so I have a lot of memories built up from that time. It's been a few years since I got carded at the liquor store during frosh week too.

The wrinkles or smile/laugh line additions to my mental image will take some getting used to - not that I'm worried about it or am considering taking any action "to reduce premature ageing". I knew the wrinkles would appear at some point. It's just the sudden realization and shift in my thinking that's made me really take note of where I am in life.

Though I think I will consider putting in my order for a replacement body sooner rather than later. If the Geekling takes the mad scientist route, I may even get a discount!

Don't leave me!

2009-03-25T15:00:00.000-04:00

I inadvertantly threatened my babe with abandonment this morning :(

We like to sit and watch out of one of the 2nd floor master bedroom windows. It faces out onto the street and, as the window itself goes to the floor, she can sit or stand there herself. We watch kids waiting for the bus and the school bus go by. We sometimes see people walking their dogs. Today is garbage day, so the garbage recycling trucks go by twice (once on each side of the street).

I thought I'd leave her at the window briefly and run to get the empty garbage bin - the bin sometimes rolls away and the sky was also looking like rain. Usually, Geekling doesn't mind being left for a little bit here and there. She loves watching Daddy through the window.

Here was my miscalculation. When she watches Daddy, particularly out of that window, he's almost always waving goodbye. So when I was outside and waved at her, she though I was going to do what Daddy does.

I could hear her wailing on the street.

After I hurryied upstairs, she needed a mighty cuddle. It's not often she actually has tears on her cheeks, but this time she did. She barely tolerated separating from me to I could wash my hands.

After many hugs, kisses and reassurances that Mommy wasn't going to leave her, and since Geekling looked pretty worn out, I asked her is she wanted a nap. She made one of her "yes" sounds (still no words) and, after a rocky and a song, she went to sleep quietly.

...and now I feel bad for traumatising my baby - though I'm sure she won't remember it. I certainly will.

I love comics - and you could too!

2009-03-25T08:00:00.001-04:00

I work in a comic book store occasionally, though I had to quit for a while when heavily pregnant as I couldn't fit behind the counter anymore. I get paid with store credit (because I'm just going to spend it there *anyway*)

Working in the middle of the week during the day or evening, especially on Wednesdays when the weekly shipment arrives, you deal with a lot of regulars. Loads of opportunities for geeking out, exchanging opinions and reviews, and finding out the latest gossip/spoilers from the hardcore fans.

Working on the weekends, however, has it's own fun side. This is when the non-regulars usually come in. Sometimes they've been recommended something. Sometimes they're browsing, having been drawn in off the street. People look for gifts for their geeky family and friends and parents bring in their kids. I never really thought I'd like retail, but in this job I do. I've even considered, in the back of my mind, someday owning a shop of my own.

The fun part with people new to comics, is getting to figure out what they like and then recommending something for them. Often people are so surprised that I know exactly what they're looking for. Something that, to them, is extremely obscure, to me is a classic or "must read". A woman came in looking for Maus the other day and I had to gently stop her launching into a long description. We also get a *ton* of people looking for comics that movies were based on. Right now Watchmen and all things Alan Moore are the rage (if you love superheroes, read the Top Ten series by him!).

Talking with kids is really fun and makes me think of my own geekling. There are a lot of comics out there and I believe there's something for every interest and age level. I was recently helping a dad find something for his Halo-and-all-things-violent son. He wanted something a little less war focused. We settled on some cheap back issues of superhero comics. I could tell his dad really wanted him to get into something with more of a story, something he could read and maybe a hero he could enjoy, rather than be constantly video game focused.

Another father and son, this one younger, came in. I had to assist in steering the boy away from the darker, more adult, comic issues and into the all ages stuff. He reasoned it out in his little mind that a Star Wars: Clone Wars animated book was a much better deal than a lone issue of the adult oriented Transformers line.

Some kids get into comics from the Bone full colour book bound reprints Scholastic is selling (if you have school age kids and haven't read this, shame on you!), and come in for recommendations. Adults do too, especially once they read something like Maus, Batman: Year One or Sandman and decide that they love it. Don't even get me started on teens and manga...

So - what is my point?

Read Comics!

Comic books are an underrated art form. Movies and cartoons aside, not many people are aware of the broad range of comics. It's not all superheroes and fantasy, and even the superheroes can get really interesting.

I'm going to do some posts about comics on Wednesdays - what you or your kids or teenagers or grandparents might like. These posts will be based on my own reading and experiences, so if there are comic lovers out there feel free to chime in on them with your own thoughts.

In the meantime...

Have you ever read a comic book? Have you read one as an adult?

Obligatory television post

2009-03-24T08:00:00.002-04:00

Television - good or bad? Before 2? Rationed? What about DVDs?

Feh.

Well, Geekling didn't get to watch TV before she turned one. We don't even have cable. We still hardly turn it on, and even then only to watch an occasional movie when she's asleep.

However...

Poor Geekling was sick and teething and cranky one day. She likes penguins. She has a stuffed penguin, a penguin bib, and several penguin books or books with penguins in. So I popped in March of the Penguins for a few minutes to see if she would calm.

She was riveted.

She pointed and made noises at the penguins as they leapt out of the water and onto the ice. She watched them carefully as the waddled and slid on their bellies. She made sure we were watching her watching too, and even when she drifted away she noticed and complained almost immediately if we turned the DVD off.

Now she'll find the DVD case, point to the penguin pictures on it and then point and make strongly insistent vocal sounds at the television. If we're reading a book with penguins and we're downstairs, she will point at the television,"Da!", as if commanding us to turn it on.

I don't mind her watching a few minutes occasionally. I would rather she not be watching a whole lot of television until she's older though. I prefer that she get more into active things, reading and paging through books, playing with toys and using her own know-how or imagination. I want to avoid having her get used to passive entertainment.

That's not to say I want her to do without television at all. I think television does have some merits and is important to our popular culture. I can't imagine my childhood without Sesame Street, Scooby Doo, The Flintstones, My Little Pony, Transformers, and so on... So I don't want to deprive her of that. Plus, I want to share many geeky pleasures with her too - like Doctor Who, Buffy, Farscape, Star Trek, old school cartoons, anime, and The Muppets.

I would rather she not turn to television whenever in need of entertainment or out of boredom. That's largely why we got rid of our cable - we were watching too much (mostly crap) just because it was there.

So right now we watch DVDs and that's probably how we'll keep it for a while (at least as long as they keep them coming out quick - I am desperately trying to avoid Battlestar Galactica spoilers). Eventually, we'll probably get some kind of cable service again, and then we'll ration television viewing for everyone.

Now we just need to cut back on WoW - which is hard when your guild is trying to convince you to power level that 40-something priest you've got because we're always short healers...

The overwhelming responsibility of being a mom (AKA all your time are belong to baby)

2009-03-23T08:00:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I was taking a little me time and shopping for some things that were hard to acquire with the Geekling in tow. I needed supplies for my sewing class; fabric shops are not terribly child friendly. I tried taking heronce, but with the scissors and the needles - t'was not pretty. So, the Geekling was with her Daddy, and a very well packed diaper bag, at a nearby child play centre. I texted him to check in after about an hour. My Parenting Co-Conspirator texted me back, letting me know that the Geekling was cranky and sleepy. Our conversation was:

RHW: How goes?

PCC: Geekling tired. Tired and cranky. Almost done?

RHW: No but some I can put off if you want

PCC: How long?

RHW: I don't know - I'm new at this (sad smiley face)

The How long? in particular made me feel like he was exasperated and wanted me to hurry up. I could hear his voice in my head. I paid hurriedly went to pay for the things I had gotten thus far. I thought he could take the stroller and walk her around to sleep. Then I remembered he had decided not to take the stroller and it was in the car with me. I was feeling teary and drained as I went out to the car. Another message came through:

She's asleep. You have until noon.

Then I sat in the car and cried. It seemed like I would never have any time where I wasn't rushing through whatever it was I was doing, so that I could get back to the Geekling as soon as possible. Ten minutes later I got:

Now I'm falling asleep (smiley face with tongue sticking out)

I collected myself, went to the last shop I had to in order to get one more item I absolutely needed and then went to find them.

As I continued on and my emotional state calmed, I realized that what I was feeling was the overwhelming responsibility for my child and her well being - the burden that I alone am the one who needs to make sure that she's well and happy, even when she's not with me. It makes taking time to myself stressful, frustrating and tense. When my PCC texted me, it shattered me. Even when I specifically had been given and arranged everything to have a little time on my own, I couldn't really relax and focus on me. I was always "on call" and would inevitably be interrupted.

That "on call" state of mind is exhausting mentally and physically.

Now this doesn't necessarily mean that what I feel is the reality of the situation. We talked about it afterwards and I know the PCC didn't intend to interrupt in that manner. He was fine with the Geekling and, while he wanted to get a time frame from me, he hadn't meant to pressure me to rush. The second message, letting me know she was sleeping, was supposed to be reassuring. He and the Geekling had curled up on some mats, in a back corner of the play centre, and she was sleeping on his chest. Noon was the time I would have had to pick them up anyway, especially sans stroller, as the play centre closed then.

After the fact, and after I'd got my equilibrium back, we discussed it. I explained how I felt I was a bit sensitive (ok - maybe a *lot* sensitive) to certain pressures. He thinks now he needs to be more explicit in what he's asking or telling me so as not to poke me in emotionally sensitive spots. For instance, when checking how long I'll be, also letting me know why he's asking (i.e. if you'll need at least another hour, I'm going to take her for a nap X, ok?). This is pretty on target.

It can be difficult for my PCC, since he's working full time and not used to the Geekling's changing routines, as he feels the need to check regarding things he's unsure on (like feeding her). I've taken to leaving notes for reference whenever I can so as to a) give him some info so he's not left floundering and b) make me feel better and less likely to be called/texted when away. I have to watch it though. I can go a bit overboard with the instructions. I am limited by small notepaper, which helps.

Right now, time for myself is pretty sporadic. Something more regular may work better. If my PCC is at home, it's easier for him too. Many people have suggested activities that I might enjoy, book clubs and the like, but I'm an introvert at heart. I'd be thrilled just to have some time set aside to browse a bookstore or do some reading in a quiet cafe. I still have to work on letting go of that background tension, when I fell I'm almost on edge, waiting to be interrupted.

Any advice on relaxing and letting go a bit?

Unconditional Parenting: Knowing vs Applying

2009-03-20T14:57:00.004-04:00

As I blogged previously, I'm reading through Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. There have already been a number of points that I've connected with personally. This first portion of the book is about the affect some typical parenting behaviours can have. Many of these I was aware of as I have a degree in Psychology, however I once had a conversation with a friend that is relevant here:

Friend (a History major): You know, Historians should really rule the world.
Me: Huh?
Friend: Mmm-hmm. Studying History, you know all the previous disasters and can not make the same mistakes. You learn from it.
Me: Ah. Well, in that case, Psychologists should, in no way, rule the world.
Friend: Why not?
Me: Because we may know why we're doing something wrong, get all the motivations and reasons and theories, but that sure as hell doesn't mean we're not going to go ahead and %&^$ up anyway...

...and I think that's true of most people actually. Intellectually you may *know* what you should be doing or that what you're doing in the wrong way to go about it, but fighting ingrained behaviours is hard.

Giving and Withholding Love

I already knew a bit about what he discusses here, that too much praise can be just as undermining as too much criticism. I never categorized it as he does though - giving and withholding love. Too much praise, or creating praise/approval junkies, means that a child's self esteem becomes conditional. Praise is needed to feel good about oneself. You're loved when you do the "right" thing.

When I was young I was the "smart" one. I was never directly pressured to get good grades, but I always received praise for academic achievements. I became very concerned with not being wrong, or looking stupid, and still am (this is why it's easier for me to write about these issues in an anonymous blog). I also realize that I am reluctant to engage in activities or areas where I might fail or look foolish. I have to wonder if, in combination with my introverted nature, this fear of failure was why I avoided doing a thesis in university and instead opted for classes. I rarely had difficulties with essays or tests and have an excellent memory.

What I worry about currently is my tendency to tell the geekling that she's a "good girl" when she does something I like. I want to nip that in the bud now and start being more supportive of her in more constructive ways.

Too Much Control

I didn't encounter this one myself, but understand the affect. Parents who help their child too much or are too involved in forming their opinions and beliefs for them, leave that child vulnerable because they haven't learned to think for themselves. I was left alone a lot, so I really had no choice but to figure things out for myself. I want to strike a balance for the geekling here - I want her to feel supported and that we are there to guide her, but I also want her to question and seek out answers for herself.

Punishment

The basic message in the book is that punishment is generally useless. He quotes many studies which find it has little affect on behaviour in both the short and long term, and seems to serve only to make a child more self centered, concerned mainly about avoiding punishment (which leads to deception, lying, being overly compliant and having their spirit crushed or being overly rebellious and engaging in destructive behaviours) and not about why what they did may have been a bad thing (like hurting some else's feelings).

I really hate many punishment schemes. While I think spanking is counter productive, what bothers me the most are emotionally manipulative tactics: passive aggressive sniping, insults, threats, using knowledge of a person's hopes/fears to wound them, and so on. My father, who's mellowed a lot with age, was verbally abusive when I was growing up. While he didn't act out violently, it always felt like he was on the edge of doing so. I know now some of his actions then were affected by mental illness, but it doesn't erase the way I grew up and the resulting aspects of my personality (conflict avoiding, approval seeking, fear of upsetting people or doing something "wrong", emotional repression and so on).

My husband is a bit of a negative thinker and can occasionally make nasty sounding snarky comments when he's frustrated. I don't think he's as aware of how it sounds as I am, coming from a background where I've seen heard and felt much worse. He doesn't do it intentionally, and I know that I'm quite sensitive to it, never the less I worry how such comments might be received by geekling when she's a bit older (and unable to understand adult frustrations and shades of meaning).

Pushed To Succeed

Kohn particularly talks about grades here, though it applies to things like sports too. The more a child is pressured to succeed, the less they enjoy learning/competing and, paradoxically, they end up not doing as well as they might have otherwise. I wasn't overtly pushed and certainly won't pressure the geekling. I don't care what she wants to be as long as it makes her happy. I'd like to help her find her passion. I've had the hardest time freeing myself internally to seek out and enjoy the things I love without constantly worrying about how I look to others.

I'm looking forward to the portions of the book that give some advice on the real world application of unconditional parenting. Kohn does give a lot of references to studies and such to back up his claims and has already referred to a few other authors who have specific parenting strategies within the unconditional parenting framework. I think the hardest part is going to be avoiding those instinctive behaviours and substituting them with more productive ones. The praise thing is going to be tricky for me. How to address "bad" behaviour without resorting to punishment seems like it will take some finesse too.

Thoughts?

Unconditional Love

2009-03-19T11:18:00.002-04:00

Unconditional love is something I think about a lot. I want my geekling to know that she is loved and supported no matter what. This was always something I felt was missing for me in my childhood. My father was distant, authoritarian and more than a little scary. My mother was passive and, while she tried her best, left me feeling less valued than my brother. I also felt that I had to live up to the labels put on me as a child and still find myself anxious and inadequate when I don't. I don't want the geekling to have the same regrets about her family relationships (or the same neuroses) that I do.

How do I do that though? We live in a culture where parenting skills aren't learned by doing and watching the way they once were. Oh, I babysat when I was younger, but it's not the same thing. Those days we so far behind me when the geekling was born, everything had to be figured out and learned all over again.

While I am self aware enough not to do the obviously damaging things that my parents did (verbal abuse, silent anger, passive parenting, passive aggressive behaviour, favouritism), it's the more subtle things that worry me. I have had no other real role models for parenting behaviour. I had a nanny during elementary school, who gave me a lot of the support I needed then, but I can't make any distinction as to what exactly she did to have that effect.

My parenting co-conspirator and I attended some lectures on parenting a while back. One that really stuck with me was given by Alfie Kohn, a well known author. He focuses particularly on unconditional love (and also about how rewards and competition can actually be problematic). So I'm reading his book Unconditional Parenting: Moving from rewards and punishments to love and reason as a starting place.

I'm hoping, being the introverted bookworm that I am, that a book might have the answers I seek...

To the rescue!

2009-03-18T08:40:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine is tossing out boxes of comics. By tossing I mean into the recycling bin - the horror! I have offered to rescue these poor things in the hopes of getting them to someone who will enjoy them. Most of them probably aren't worth anything, but I know lots of kids who adore any comics they can get their hands on.

Mainly though, I just can't stand the thought of them being unceremoniously dumped. Poor poor forsaken comic books - the RHW will save you!

BTW: Wednesdays are going to be comic book day on my blog, so look out for future posts!

Too much Empire...

2009-03-17T20:39:00.002-04:00

Methinks the cake decorator was up late the night before watching The Empire Strikes Back...

From Cake Wrecks

Seeing this cake spurred a train of thought that led back to Ewoks - yup, them cute furry beasties who help out the rebels in Return Of The Jedi. We watched the Ewoks movie over and over and *over* again as kids. Almost as much as we watched the making of Thriller video. How my mom put up with us I'll never know...

I do know that I'm planning on premptively hooking the geekling on something I can tolerate.

That'll work, right?

I feel neglectful

2009-03-17T08:00:00.003-04:00

My poor geekling is sick. Sometimes this makes her cranky and she lashes out at her minions. Sometimes she is happy and demands constant attention.

Mommy, however, felt worn out yesterday and wasn't able to maintain the level of service to which the geekling has become accustomed. Plus, I've somehow wrenched my neck and holding my head up (when not kow-towing to my tiny overlord) is hard work.

I am shortly due to take her to playgroup where she might network with others and gain allies. So while I might not be much fun to play with right now, at least I'm still a functioning chauffeur...

Indy as a pedophile?

2009-03-16T11:18:00.003-04:00

Say it ain't so... I really hope this isn't going to pop into my head every time I watch Raiders:

G — I was thinking that this old guy could have been his mentor. He could have known this little girl when she was just a kid. Had an affair with her when she was eleven.

L — And he was forty-two.

G — He hasn’t seen her in twelve years. Now she’s twenty-two. It’s a real strange relationship.

S — She had better be older than twenty-two.

G — He’s thirty-five, and he knew her ten years ago when he was twenty-five and she was only twelve. It would be amusing to make her slightly young at the time.

S — And promiscuous. She came onto him.

That's from a transcript of a story meeting for the first Indiana Jones movie Raiders of the Lost Ark. G= George Lucas, S=Steven Spielberg. They're talking about Indy and Marion and the referred to love affair that happened 10 years prior to the movie. Somehow it's "amusing" that she could have been 12 while he was 25?!?

GAH!

In the end I think they made her 15, but honestly... I always thought of her as being a teenager, more like 17-18.

See The Hathor Legacy for more on this bit, or here for the whole meeting transcript. They actually worry about Indy being a role model for kids, and so don't want to show him stealing from Marion, but it's ok if he's a statutory rapist apparently...

Naxxramus ho!

2009-03-16T08:00:00.000-04:00

Geekling was wonderful last night. Despite being sick, she slept wonderfully - allowing the parental geeks to go to Naxx (10 man reg). I got two pieces of gear *and* managed to avoid being the sacrificial gnome!

Disabilities

2009-03-14T08:00:00.002-04:00

Just read this post over at Redneck Mommy's blog. I'm pretty sure I'll be directing people to it in the near future.

It takes all kinds of people to make this world the wonderfully interesting place it is. But if you are going to disparage a community of people who had the misfortune to have more health or mental problems than you can shake a stick at, you had better be prepared for me to bite back hard... There is a difference, a line, between what is funny and what is pathetic and rude.

I get this. I get it intellectually and I get it in my heart. When I was in elementary school, I was a helper in the "special education" classroom. A friend of mine and I were buddied with a wheelchair bound and mentally handicapped boy nicknamed "Doobie" (which I've only just now realized might be amusing). For three years we were his friend, taking him for tours around the school and playing music in the classroom. There were more than a few wheelies popped, much to all of our delight. Doobie couldn't speak, he could only make basic sounds, but he could laugh.

I remember quite clearly that I'd stayed home sick one day (alone, I was 12) and my mother, who was a working single mom, came home. The school had called her to let her know that Doobie had died the night before, so that she could break it to me. I was a pretty emotionally closed off kid (something I'd start working on in high school and not really make a dent in until I was dating my husband-to-be). So I didn't really cry. It was just a shock. My friend and I went to his quiet Catholic funeral and met his family, though we already knew his mother.

So I have a little bit of experience. I also have a mentally disabled aunt that I have rarely seen, as she's my Dad's sister and I don't keep in touch with that side of the family. I do know she was committed to an institution at one point, later released and was married at one time. I get the terms mixed up, but she generally has a reduced mental age. If she were in the body of a 10-12 year old, she'd be "normal".

Disabled individuals can lead full lives and are important parts of families.

That being said, I had a conversation with two other women when I was pregnant with the geekling, one of whom was pregnant too. She worked with mentally disabled children. We all agreed that potentially having a mentally disabled child was a more terrifying thought than potentially having one with a physical disability.

I'm not really intimidated, as a mom, by the possibility of physical disabilities or differences. Physically disabilities present problems, but to me they seem much smaller. I think that's because, when I'm feeling overwhelmed or down about being a mom, one of the things I motivate myself with is thinking about talking to the geekling when she's older. Sharing things with her and building a bond. I've got a pretty academic background and I'm a big big reader/ lifelong learner. Having a mentally disabled child would be a huge challenge for me on many levels. I'm not sure how well I'd cope. If the child couldn't communicate - someone like Doobie as opposed to someone like my aunt - I might end up falling into old bad habits and withdrawing emotionally. That would be a bad thing for a mom to do. Hence the terrifying.

It's something I think about. We're considering trying for #2 soon and I'm not getting any younger. I know some moms get tested for things like crazy, but I doubt we'll bother. I'll just have to Mom-up should the situation arise...

In which I worry about my baby's brain...

2009-03-13T08:00:00.001-04:00

Yes, yes, I just wrote about her potentially eating brains. I suppose what I worry about is less her brain and more her intelligence.

She's a mover and a shaker, my geekling. By most standards she's on schedule. Her motor development is great and she reacts to what we say to her or ask her to do. She'll retrieve toys and point and babble...

So what's my problem? She isn't speaking yet.

I am a reader. This is a blessing and a curse really. I read a lot. When I was a kid I donated bags of books to the school library after I was finished with them. So I have read far too many books and public health pamphlets on babies and toddlers and development. They all say that by about 12 months she should have said her first word and often they say she should be using 1-3 words. The geekling is now 13 and a half months.

She does babble a lot. Her favourite syllable for a long time was dada. In the past few days there's been a lot of mum mum. I don't know if she's working towards applying those sounds as really words yet though - it's hard to tell. Geekling uses H and B sounds too. Once or twice there's been an N.

Geekling loves books and being read to. She responds to and recognizes certain words (No, Book, Hungry, the names of her stuffed animals, Daddy, Mommy, Music, Window, etc).

Still... it worries me.

She is extraordinarily expressive with her face though, especially her frowns and scowls, and seems to be working on her maniacal laugh... maybe she's just playing her evil genius cards close to her chest?

Is your baby a Zombie?

2009-03-12T08:00:00.000-04:00

Is *your* baby a Zombie?
I hope not...

Does s/he:

Seem restless or sleepy and yet refusing to sleep? Yes
Moan, groan or make otherwise unintelligible sounds? Yeah
Move slowly, stumbling or shambling about? Yes, but she's learning to walk!
Have dry, flaking or discoloured skin? Well, a little...
Ooze strange bodily fluids? Don't all babies? Don't they?!
Have a tendency to bite the flesh of others? Err, maybe a bit - but we're working on it!
If yes to above, especially the head? Oh dear - do dolls count?

If you have answered yes to more than one of these questions - your baby may be a Zombie!

Noooooooooo!

...

Ah well. Maybe she'll have to be an Igor instead of a mad scientist. Could be worse... :p

(My poor zombie babe has a wicked cold, dry itchy skin *and* her molars are coming in)

Blogging and privacy

2009-03-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

I'm a pretty private person and, truthfully, a sensitive one. I think I am an approval seeker at times.

So my blogging difficulties are this - I already have a small, barely read, blog. It's being used to communicate with family members scattered all over Canada and the USA. However, it's very clear from the blog and attached gallery who we are. Our real names are used. You might be able to find out where we live from it. As I said, it doesn't get a whole lot of traffic.

I'm pretty sure I want to keep it that way.

So here I am on this more anonymous blog. I'm trying not to post the same thing both places. Generally, these posts will be the things I'm not necessarily comfortable posting on my open blog, personal thoughts/rants, and other fun stuff. My open blog is more of a baby update and baby book substitute I think - keeping track of all the little things that happen. This is important to the grandmothers, but maybe not so thrilling to the average reader.

Heh - I haven't even told my husband about this one. Let's see how long it takes him to find it :)

Religion?

2009-03-10T11:16:00.000-04:00

I'm not religious. I never really have been. I wasn't baptized either according to my mom.

I am curious though. My parents didn't attend church, though they were married in a United Church. I went to Sunday school for a while when I was younger as I wanted to do the crafts. I also had a friend who was a Jehovah's Witness. I was the only non-JW person in school whose house she was allowed to stay over at. I never made fun of her and actually talked to her about it. I even went to Kingdom Hall once, just to see what it was like.

In high school I visited a bunch of different churches with a friend; we dropped into a different church every Sunday. I particularly remember the scary AIDS-is-a-plague-from-god Baptist church. Nothing impressed itself upon me as a believable option, however.

Aside from some brief dabbling in Wicca in university, I've pretty much gone the secular humanist route.

Now that I have a mini-me I'm suddenly thinking about "spirituality" again. We have friends that are Unitarian Universalists (official site). I like the way their church does religious education and are really laid back (and liberal). I want my geekling to have some foundation, as religion permeates a lot of culture, but I don't want her to be told to believe certain things.

So we've gone to their church a couple times. I have to admit, the first visit was a shock. I guess I didn't expect it to be so... churchy. Music, pews and singing. There were no mentions of God or Jesus or anything of the like though - and the minister is an atheist. It took some getting used to. They do participate in a lot of community efforts and humanitarian work that appeals to me.

We haven't been back much as their service time coincides with the must have morning nap, though sometimes I wonder if that's an excuse. If I were more motivated and drawn would I make the effort?

About the same time I discovered Dale McGowan. He's a secular humanist parent. His books and blog are wonderful. Actually, I've only read his first book, Parenting Beyond Belief which is a compilation of essays on different parenting topics. He wrote a few of them. I am awaiting the arrival of his second book Raising Freethinkers. I hope we can do as well by our geekling as he and his wife have done with their kids.

At least we don't have any relatives that are pushing their views. The geekling isn't baptized and won't be. Catholic mother-in-law hasn't said anything about it. Her relatives, who we rarely talk to, did send us a praying pal though (a kneeling stuffed bear that says the Lord's Prayer when squeezed). We were a bit surprised when we open that package.

My geeky mom desires drive me

2009-03-06T12:00:00.000-05:00

I am taking a beginner sewing course starting tomorrow. Ages ago I asked for a sewing machine, which my mother bought me, despite never sewing anything of substance since my home ec classes. I thought it would be handy.

Now I have a mini geekling. As a mom, I feel I must be prepared for the day when I am called upon to sew her first superhero costume, that she might safely conceal her secret identity and lead a normal life.

So - to sewing class I go!

Of course, I'll have to convince my husband to invest in local blacksmithing classes - should she require armour and weaponry...

It must be all the spinach

2009-03-06T11:13:00.000-05:00

My baby loves spinach, not unlike a certain comic strip sailor.

Today she used her 13 month old might to nearly topple over a dresser.

Eeep!

Decisions decisions

2009-03-05T12:00:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to decide what direction to take this blog in. There's a ton of things I could write about, but I think I'll stick to geeky mommy things to share.

I am also considering Twitter.

If I get into this stuff, it'll be interesting to see if I can keep it all going.

Geek baby chic

2009-03-04T13:58:00.000-05:00

Geek parents everywhere are suckers for geek baby gear. It is hard to resist.

For me, it has less to do with wanting her to be just like me, and more to do with wanting to share things I enjoy with her. Geeky pursuits are great fun and my hubby and I bonded in no small part thanks to mutual loves. He introduced me to all things Japanese. I got him hooked on comic books. He drew me into Tolkien fandom and Dungeons & Dragons. I promoted Trek and dragged him to conventions. He is the point of access for the computer geekiness (getting us into playing World of Warcraft), while I am of a more literary bent (we will never ever have enough bookshelves, it seems).

Our daughter will be well rounded in all things geeky.

As for geekling gear, my personal favourite thus far has been a black bib that says:

i am
SUPER KID!*

*this is not a bib
it's my cape
mom's got it on backwards

We also have a Level 1 Human onesie aimed at gamer parents (think D&D more than WoW) that my husband found much amusement in.

Other fun items I've seen:
Super snap suits (cape attached)
v2.0 shirt
What are little girls made of? for the science geekling
Attack of the 50 foot baby blocks

I have to say I'm unimpressed by the Superman logo t-shirts for girls - does Supergirl fly around in a pink outfit? Exactly. Why does there always have to be a pink shaded girly version of everything?

I swear if I ever see a baby pink Bat symbol...

Blogging Anonymity

2009-03-03T12:03:00.001-05:00

Well... I have blogged in the past on a couple different sites. However, in the past these blog posts were always for friends and family. Everyone knew exactly who I was and what (or who) I was talking about.

To be honest, it was inhibiting. I am the kind of person who worries a great deal about other people's feelings. Analysis paralysis. So while I flatter myself that my posts were interesting, I know they were generally pretty tame. There were also many areas of my life that I simply did not talk about or explore so as to not rock the boat for certain family members.

I'm hopeful about this blog. We'll see how it goes...

Post #1

2009-03-03T11:32:00.000-05:00

I'm just figuring this blogger thing out, so here's my first I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing post...